So much to be thankful for...

I really truly have so much to be thankful for this year.  F and I have good jobs and are weathering the financial downturn.  C is a healthy, happy, beautiful, athletic, and intelligent girl who is growing up so fast it scares me.  I am most thankful that she is healthy though, I pray for anyone that today is stuggling with a sick child.  I know that C getting very sick is my worst nightmare.  I am thankful for F, he keeps me sane and loves me for me and that seems so rare these days.  I am thankful for my friends near and far. I miss my friends in Virginia and Michigan a lot, but they are still in my heart.  They support me and lift me up when I am down on myself.  So thank you M, K, C, L, P, S, H and  ok I would have to list almost the whole alphabet twice to cover every one....You now who you and that I MISS YOU!!!! I am thankful that I have such a great extended family including my brother, my father, my wonderful in-laws, my nieces and nephews including the one that is one the way, all of my uncles and aunts and cousins, and my two beautiful grandmothers. I wish we lived closer to each other so we could see each other more often, but whether near or far you are in my heart and my life would not be the same with out you!!!

Most of all, I am thankful that I come into this Thanksgiving a healthier me.  A year ago I was so far from healthy that it is scary.  I was still over 400 pounds and life was a struggle.  This year I am 174 pounds lighter and have a new attitude!  I am thankful for yoga and the change that brought to my life both inside and out. So thank you Namaste Yoga, I owe you my life, you and your instructors help me every day to achieve new goals and find my center!!   I am thankful that I am healthy enough to train for a 5K mud run!!! 

This holiday used to be about eating until my stomach was so full it hurt and then waiting an hour and eating more.  Now this holiday is about looking around my world and realizing that food is about fueling my body not about filling a hole in my soul!!  I will have some turkey and some side dishes, but I will be feeding my body and then I plan on taking a run/power walk. 

I am thankful for this blog and everyone that reads it.  This blog have given me a forum to express those feelings that tore at my soul and led to bad habits.  Your comments mean so much to me.  I pray that maybe some one who is as overweight as I was reads this blog and realizes that if Crystal Can Do It, then so can they!!  It is possible! You can do it too.  I am not a super woman, just a motivated one. 

So Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends and family!!

Take care and talk to you later!!!

Just the stats Maam...

I feel the need to share the non scale stats that show my accomplishments in losing weight over the last year....I started out a Size 28 almost sizing out of the Plus Size store....Now I am a Size 16 on the bottom and a size 10/12 on the top.  I was a 48DDD, I am now a 38 C/D depending on the bra.  I used to be able to only shop at plus size stores like Lane Bryant.  Now I can shop basically anywhere.  I put on a size L dress at Express today and was rocking it...

I used to get exhausted walking up the stairs or  the around the block.  My feet would hurt after walking short distances no matter what shoes I wore.  I can now tackle the mall in a pair of high heeled boots and feel confident doing it.  I have picked a 5K to run and am excited and nervous about doing it.

I have about 50 pounds left to lose but right now I am looking at it as the last 10 miles of a marathon. I just have to keep preservering.  I want to cross the finish line....but really the finish line in this race is just the beginning. 

Talk to you later....take care!!!

The rumor around the neighborhood is that my husband is having an affair

The rumor around the neighborhood is that my husband is having an affair.  I found this out today from my across the street neighbor.   I was outside when my neighbor across the street drove by and being friendly I waved at her.  A couple of minutes later, she came across the street and asked if that was me.  She said I did not even look like myself anymore.  I laughed and thanked her for the compliment and that is when she broke the news about the affair.  She said that a couple of weeks ago they saw me out and she told her husband, "I think that F's wife has lost alot of weight" His response, "no way is that her, I think that is a new woman in his life that is staying with him.  I have not seen his wife in awhile."  LOL I am sure that rumor spread like wildfire, so I am sure some people in the neighborhood think that my husband dumped me and found this hot chic to take my place....Too funny....

I had a Kashi bar for breakfast and Fiber one bar for lunch with a tomato and avocado for lunch and dinner was chicken and veggies...same old life.

So if you see my husband out with this hot chic do not assume he is having an affair come up and say hi and you will see that while the outside is actively changing the sweet person inside is still  me...

Take care adn talk to you later.

Should I be happier because I am thinner?

Someone asked me if I was happier now that I am thinner??  I pondered this question long after it was asked...sure I am more comfortable in my own skin, more confident, and feeling sexier overall, but am I happier?  Should my happiness be tied to my weight?  I would like to think that I was always a happy person in general, but I have to admit maybe I was not.  Sure I put in the happy mask, afraid to show that I was unhappy, but now I do not need that mask because I am generally happy. 

I had a good food day.  I had a cranberry oat bran Vitatop muffin for breakfast.  Lunch was a grapes, a tomato, and another muffin.  Yes those muffins are really good!!  Dinner was chicken and veggies. 

I went to a yoga class today and I love how strong I feel and how much my yoga experience has changed since I started.  When I started I could not get in a Half bow and now I can do a full bow. I can flow from pose to pose easier as well.  I love feeling like my body is strong.  I really wish I had a training partner/teammate for my planned Dirty Girl 5K...I can do this though whether it is by myself or if I find a partner.  I have a couple more people to ask so we will see how it goes. 

I am so glad that I found the time to blog tonight/early morning.  I am serious about recomitting myself to my blog.  I miss it when I can not do it.  Besides the holidays are coming and I want to have an outlet for my holiday stress that does not involve sugar and fat.

Talk to you later...and take care.

Time to catch up...I was banned from the biggest loser contest

So life has been so crazy between work and Mommy duties that blogging has not been possible.  I am not letting that happen anymore my blog is too important.   I just spent a week on site at my job at another go-live with food being provided but I made it through it.  Since the last time I blogged, I have lost another 8 pounds and my total is now 174 pounds lost.  It has been a year since I started this journey to the new me and every day I am amazed by how much I have changed from the person I used to be a year ago.  I now walk with confidence and pride.  I can walk anywhere with out feeling tired or wiped out.  I no longer have to see my pulmonologist, because while I still have asthma but with the weight gone I can management it much better. 

Some people I know are doing a Biggest Loser contest each chipping in 25 dollars and then whoever loses the largest percentage of of weight loss wins the money.  They told me about the contest, but said I was not allowed to participate because "you would so win"...LOL  I told them then I get to be Gillian Michaels. 

I have started wearing makeup again!!  For the longest time, I did not feel beautiful, so I felt ike makeup was wasted on me.  Not anymore!!  I make a point of making sure that I look my best whether it is hanging at home or going out.  

I have picked my 5K.....I am planning on running the "Dirty Girl".   It is a Mud run with obstacles, not sure it is the best choice but it sounds like fun and I thought that if I am going to run and sweat, I might as well get muddy too.....

Food today was good.  I had a Vitatop Muffin, a tomoato and grapes for breakfast.  Lunch was an avocado and Kashi Bar.  I had teriakyi chicken for dinner. 

Ok I promise I will blog more tomorrow. 

Talk to you later.

Sorry my work life took over my personal life this week...

I hate when I can not blog because I feel like blogging strengthens me, but this week my work took over my personal life.  The affects were vry far reaching, like having to miss my yoga class on thursday as well as C not getting to go to dance class because I was testing a build that needed to go to production on friday and I was working steadily from 8 am to 1 am....that is a long day!!  I had planned to take C to dance class, but just as w were supposed to leave we had an issue.  C could tell I was struggling and said "Mom, it is ok I can miss dance class, I know you have to work"  It broke my heart but I love that she cares about me.   I try never to miss her activities, but really this was a particulary bad day.  Friday was just as bad, but I still managed to take her to Soccer practice, though instead of me walking during practice, I was in the car working!!  It was crazy.  On top of all of that my car had the check engine light come on.  I took it to the dealership and of course that is never a small bill.  I am renting a car whil my car is in the shop.  I took it in on Wednesday and and it Sunday morning and I am still driving a rental car!!!  My car won't be done until next week! 

So what I am most proud of this week, that with all of this stress and craziness, I did not try to deal with it by eating unhealthy food.  I did not eat bag of potato chips or crave chocolate.  I just dealt with it in the moment.  I only lost 1/2 a pound this week, but I did not get to exercise and bot of these are part of the weight loss solution for me. 

I won't get to do Yoga this sunday, because C is turning 9.  OMG, the time has just flown by!!! She is having a spa party with 10 of bestest friends.  It is going to be so much fun watching these young ladies get manicures, pedicures and yogurt facials!! 

Wll it is really early in the morning and I have not really slept yet!!!  So much to do so little time!!

Talk to you later.  Take care!!!

Plateau Shmateau...

That is right I am mocking the the plateau....I lost 2 1/2 pound this and bringing the total weight lost to 166.5  pounds.  I thinking all my Sweating to the Oldies helped so I will definitely keep that is my LA regimen.  I am going to continue the Green Coffee Extract as well, since I am not seeing any negative side effects.

While I am home, I am going to continue my Yoga classes and add the wlking during soccer practice. 

I think now it is all about incresing the physical activity. 

Well I am exhausted now!! I got in late last night and then had to deal with my bag being damaged and did not get home until well after 1:00am ....  I could not sleep and then had to keep my energy up for 2 back to back soccer games.  Poor C, she is getting frustrated out there which makes me worry. I do not want her to lose her passion for soccer.  The physical exercise that she gets is important for her to keep in her life.  I wish I had been as physically active as her.

Ok have a great Saturday!!!  Talk to you later...

I sweated and I mean sweated to the oldies and the newies!!!

I went to the Richard Simmons Aerobics class today with some girls from work and I am going share the total expereince with you.  P and I arrived at the studio and the first thing you notice is the signs everywhere that cell phones and recording devices are not allowed in the studio.  I filled out the new student paperwork and paid my $12 dollars to take the class.  I, then, took my cell phone out to the car and went back to class.  We were warming up and in walks  Richard Simmons and goes around and kisses and greets each person in the room.  When he got to me my co-workers tell him about me losing so much weight and he hugs me.   Class begins and if you thought he was that sweet guys you see in the videos, you would be slightly shocked...because for as sweet as he is, he swears like a sailor and flirts outrageously with the guys in the class.  If you are not trying he will call you out and make sure that you are trying.  He told us about his new DVD that he is working on and how he got some songs and also wrote songs....he played one of the songs that he wrote.  I was sweating about 5 minutes into the class.  I was wearing my "hot pants"  and literally at the end of the class my the top of my tennis shoes were saoking wet from sweat from my legs. 

About half way through the class we formed a circle and in the wide open middle he went around and pulled people out of the crowd of 40 and they had to come to middle and perform the moves with Richard in the middle of the class.  Yes!!  Yours truly, the girl that just wrote how she does not feel comfortable being the center of attention, got called to the middle and there is no refusing!!  I kept up with him and got a round of applause when my segment was over.  He calls almost every guy in the class into the middle where he makes them take off their shirts.   We then move into the cool down section of the workout.  After the aeorbic part is over we had a 10 minute upper body toning session with weights.  After the toming we had 10 minutes of mat work doing crunches, oblique crunches, and planks to work the core muscles. 

After class is over we are invited to go get our cameras and come back and take pictures with him.  Yes I got a couple of pictures and then he asked me how I lost the weight and as usual the first question was if I had the surgery.  I told him that no I did it by changing my eating habits and exercising and his face changed as he told me that he expects to see my ass in his class every week.  I explained I was only in town every other week and he said that if my ass was in town then I better be in his class!!!  I was absolutely drenched in sweat from head to toe.  My "Hot Pants" were literally soaked as were my underwear.  I know TMI right? 

Food today was a No Fat No Sugar added Peach Blue Corn Muffin, lunch was Grilled Veggies, Dinner was a weight watcher meal, an avocado, and a tomato.  I made sure to hydrate myself and fell asleep!!

I did it...I went and overcame my anxiety!!  Aerobics has never been my favorite, but I guess I may be going to the class every other week to sweat my ass off....

BTW if you have ever wanted to be in a Sweating to the Oldies video, they are having auditions this weekend at his studio in LA....

Take care and talk to you later. 

This is a hard blog to write....

I want to start this blog with a disclaimer:
I  do not advocate any form of self-diagnosis.  Diagnosis of medical or psychological disorders should be done by a professional.

I am not the type of person that bursts into tears at the drop of a hat.  In fact, I am the type of person that holds any of the negative emotions inside and hides that part of myself from others.  This may be because when I was growing up "the fat girl"  I found that if I cried at school when others would tease, harass, and humilate me, that my crying would only make it worse and lead to more teasing, harassment, and humiliation from my torturers.  I learned to laugh and hide those negative feelings in public and then wait until I got home in the privacy of my room and then I would cry into my pillow so no one would see my pain.  I would try to avoid the pain and humiliation by pretending to be sick.  I would then build myself up so that I could face the humiliation the next day.   I never went to school dances or parties, not that I was ever invited, but even those things that you did not need to be invited to, I just did not go...I was very much a major homebody.   I had a couple of good friends and they would eventually convince me to go to the movies or over to thier house to hang out, but in general I felt like they were happy not to have the fat girl at thier party.  Most of my coping mechanisms involved using my intelligence to help those who would tease and humilate me with their homework in hopes that this would lead to them not trying to hurt me.   It worked for the time that they "needed" me but as soon as it was done, it was inevitable that they would turn on me when they no longer needed my help and the humiliation would begin again.  I craved back then to be invited, but I knew it would not happen. Please do not get me wrong, I did have some good friends and they know who they are!!

Once I reached adult hood and my weight was not the issue that it once was in relation to my relationships, I still avoided those social situations like work parties, because I still felt uncomfortable in my own skin.   It is amazing that even as an adult, that when I hear people whispering and laughing that my mind still goes to "they are talking about how fat I am and how I look".   I was blessed enough to find a guy who loved me for me and did not judge me based on my weight....I would not be where I am today without his love and support and I do have great friends that are my support system now as I take this journey.  I still suffer that anxiety though, everytime he says, we sould go dancing at a club (yes I love to dance in my living room) my heart starts racing and the anxiety begins that somehow I am going to walk into the club and start dancing and the other patrons will begin to say things like "Did you feel that earthquake?  That was not an earthquake just the fat girl dancing".  So I put off going...I felt the same way the first time I went to Yoga..the anxiety I felt on the drive to the studio the first time was almost overwhelming. Luckily I chose a small studio and the first couple of classes had very small groups.  So I was able to overcome the anxiety, but there are still times that when I look in the mirrors at yoga I see so many of my body's flaws and look at the other people in class and think, "god, they have to be wondering why the fat person is here..."

So that brings me to yesterday and moment that I broke into tears in A's office.  I went in to talk about some big projects at work and after the discussion was over we were just talking and she asked me if I was going to therapy.....now let me explain A lost a lot of weight due to illness.  She went on to tell a story about her shopping experience this weekend and seeing a top that she liked that was only available in a  medium and her thought process when the sales clerk came up and said "we have more sizes in the back and how she jumped to the conclusion that they were implying that she was too big to fit in a medium and that she was getting fat again, when in fact they thought that she needed a small or x-small.  She asked if I ever had these types of feeling and so began the tear works.  Yes I feel this way all the time...I walk into one of the "regular" stores and I am so afraid that they are going to take one look at me and say that I do not belong there.  I do not see myself as thin at all...I see the flaws like the excess hanging skin on my arms and stomach.  We began to talk about Body Dysmorphic Disorder and whether we could have it and benefit from some therapy.  So that led to me writing this blog trying to sort out all my feelings and issues..

I also realized that I never blogged about my weigh in....I lost 1 1/2 pounds so I am at 163 pounds so far. 

Food intake has been typical and I loved my yoga class on sunday...Speaking of exercise, I am going to a Richard Simmons class tonight if I can find the strength inside to put on workout clothes and go with my co-workers...

Well time to get ready for work!!!

Talk to you later.

Yoga Nidra..Love it!!!

As most of you know during this weight loss marathon, I found myself in yoga and I really mean that I found myself.  Yoga has become part of my life, not something that I just do for exercise but something that I can not see my life without.  I love the accomplishment I feel when I can finally get into that pose that I could imagine doing a couple of months ago. I relish the inner peace that I find in those last few minutes of a session when is Shavasana and my mind is quiet.  So I was excited when my studio offered a one time class called Deep Relaxation through Yoga Nidra.  I am such a Type A personality that there are very few times that I feel like I can truly relax.  I usually have my mind racing a mile a minute.

I went to the class last night not knowing what to expect and had an experience that is hard to put into words but I am going to try and I hope that I can do it justice.   First let me say that the class was taught by one of my favorite instructors Brooke.   I have missed going to a Brooke class but her classes ore on the same nights as C's soccer practice and the time just does not work.  We started class with her explaining that Yoga Nidra is about achieving a level of relaxation deeper that REM sleep, but while awake and that it is used in conjunction with creating intentions and goals in your life and using this state to achieve those goals.  The class then moved into some gentle, restorative yoga which was all about lightly stretching and preparing your body for this guided deep relaxation.  Once we got the the Yoga Nidra part, you are laying on your back with your neck supported and then we were guided in to focusing on different parts of our bodies and allowing them to relax.  As I was focusing on each area, I began to feel a tingling sensation, almost like a small electrical current in that part of my body and when I moved to the next area that tingling feeling remained behind but also traveled to the next area.  In the end my entire body felt totally relaxed but was tingling and alive and at that moment I felt like anything was possble.   When she led us out and we began to "awaken" again, the tingling feeling lessened but it did not go away.  Even when the lights turned on and put away my blocks, blanket, and bolster, my body still had that tingling feeling.  It continued throughout the rest of the evening and when I finally went to sleep I was able to just lay down a sleep.  That is not something that ever happens for me, I am usually the person that for an hour fights sleep as my mind races thinking about the long list in my head.   I would seriously take this course every month if I could, sadly right now it is just a one time class. There is another class in a couple of weeks that is about Achieving Goals that incorporates Yoga Nidra, but as much as I want to take the course it is at the same time as C's Soccer game. 

My food intake this week has been good.  Today C had a half day at school, so we made cookies when she came home.  It was a fun experience for both of us and I was amazed that I was not even tempted to have one. 

Tomorrow I weigh in and I am feel like I am still fighting that plateau but I know that even if  the scale does not move this week, that I am still doing the right things and eventually I will come out of the plateau and I will be stronger on the other side. 

Take care and talk to you tomorrow....

I hate when work interfers with my yoga..

For the last two days, I have planned exercise and then had work come along and interfer so I could not go....This frustrates me to no end and the worse part is that they did not really need me for either phone conference but I had to attend.  ARGH!!!!

Tomorrow I am going to a special yoga class called Yoga Nidra all about achieving that state of total relaxation while awake and turning off your brain.  I desperately need to learn this skill since I am one of those Type A people that have problems falling asleep because of my mind is racing.

Food has been boring, but I wanted to share something...I love the Vita-Top Muffin, the Cranberry Oat bran is a particular favorite, so when I saw the Egg sandwiches (like egg Mcmuffin) I had to try them.  Now I wish had resisted that temptation because after one bite I knew this was an Epic fail....  I blame the fake cheese.  It just had the wrong taste and did not sit well.  Needless to say I was not wasting my preious calories on that, so I disposed of it and popped the Cranberry Oat Bran Muffin in the toaster.  Yum!!!

Well today was a long day and I am tired...

Talk to you later...

No runners' high for me...

I lived up to my goal for this week and went walking during C's soccer practice.  She practices at a park that has a 2 mile long track going around it.  I was tempted at first not to go because I had a headache and my thighs were sore from yoga the day before, but after 3 minutes of trying to justify to myself why I should not feel guilty about not doing what I said I would do here.  I realized that I was just making excuses like I have for years why I can't exercise, you know the "no time, just ate, too tired, so many other things to do, too late in the day etc etc....", so I stuck those earphones in my ears, turned on the music and just started power walking.  I did not know at the time that the track was 2 miles long.  I just kept going and going and going, hoping that I would hit that point were I would feel that high, but alas no such luck.  When I finished the track, I was not out of breath, though I was quite sweaty. So I guess this is my baseline power walking/running.  Now I need to work on setting goals for improving it and mixing jogging/running into the power walking.  My legs were definitely sore this morning but nothing that a little motrin could not help. 

The good news, I probably could have handled another walk around the track and since a 5K is 3.1 miles I really think I could walk one right now no problem.  But the goal was not to walk a 5K it was to RUN a 5K.  So I need to get there.  I do not think I will ever love running.  Right now I am thinking of it as being a necessary evil...does that make sense?   Not something I like to do but something I have to do for my body!! 

Eating was pretty boring yesterday, Breakfast was a Vitatop muffin and grapes, Lunch was a Kashi bar and a tomato/avocado salad (no dressing), dinner was teriakyi chicken.  I had made Chili for my family and actually made it as healthy as possible, but I did not want the red meat. 

Well time for me to work...Take Care and talk at you later.

Making plans to fight the plateau and looking to the week ahead

I will not give up or let a plateau defeat me...this is a bump in the road and I am making plans on how to defeat this plateau.  First is to increase my activity...really this is my only choice because I really can not decrease my calories or else I may send my body into a starvation mode which would cause my body to stop burning fat and instead hold on to it....I am going to increase mywater intake as well in hope to flush my system. Last but not least, I am not going to analyze and worry about everything because that stress would just increase my body's tendancy to hold on to the weight, since stress increases weight gain. 

In addition I am going to try the Dr. Oz. recommended supplement of Green Coffee Extract.  I will let you know if it works.

Yoga was hard tonight, the usual instructor is off getting married, so we had a substitute and she did not play any music, did a lot of strap work and loved to try and get us into weird positions all the while using the yogi terms instead of the translation...all in all it was a very hard class and not really relaxing, 

I had a vita top muffin, and avocado for breakfast.  Lunch was tomato and Kashi bar..I then went to C and T's house and watched football.  I love hanging out with C she is so much fun.  She says to me "you know you have lost me" I looked at her like "what" and then realized that she meant weight wise....That is amazing that I have lost entire adult!!!  I ran to yoga from there house and had chicken and veggies when I got home.  Now I am cleaning and trying to get the family ready for the week ahead. 

Take Care and have a great week!!!

Afraid fo the Plateau...

Well I did not lose any weight this week and this followed a week when I only lost  1/2 pound.  I am afraid that this is my plateau that I am going have to get past...but I have a plan.  First is to increase the exercise.  I am going to walk the track when C is at soccer practice.  C's practice lasts an hour and half so I figure if I walk the track for an hour alternating between jogging and power walking I should burn a good amoutn of calories.  I am going to work in an extra Yoga class on Friday mornings as well, that way I am getting exerise everyday.  We will see if this makes a difference,

My life always has to have a little excitement right?  Yesterday I got the pleasure of standing next to a celebrity (LOL) while going through security at the airport...I spent my time trying to make sure I was not in any of the paparazzi shots.  Today I got to step back into my ER nurse mode and respond to someone having chest pain, not exactly how I wanted to start my weekend. 

I will let you know how my plans to defeat the plateau go....It just seems like my body knew it turned 40 and decided to turn off the weight loss machine.  ARGH!!!


Okay time to chill with my husband,,,

Talk to you later.

Catch up time.weight loss, shopping, my last flight, and being booblicious

Sorry it has been a couple of days since I blogged...I was busy working, playing, and shopping.  Lets start with weight loss...I only loss 1/2 pound this week (Total 161 pounds lost)  but really I lost weight so I am happy. I love the fact the scale keeps going down.  I have been eating well, lots of vegetables, fruit, whole grains, and lean proteins but nothing really remarkable. Yoga classes were fabulous, I would love to go to more classes, but between working and C's numerous after school activities it is a struggle some times.

I went shopping this Saturday after spending a day on the soccer field for C's first game (they lost 7-3 and she was upset but that would need to be a different blog).  So I have to tell you I had FUN shopping.  I was able to go to stores like Guess and fit in to and buy tops at least.  I am about 20 pounds away from fitting into pants and skirts at those stores but still it was fun.  The customer service is a amazing at these stores and the workers made me feel like I belonged there.   In the past when I went into stores like this, no one would have talked me or they would have asked are you looking for a gift for someone.  The nice way to say, "you are not going to fit into anything in our store, but..."  I bought 5 different tops and each one of them I loved how it made my body look.  Yeah for finding my love of shopping again and my love for trying things on.....

My flight.....I have this really bad habit of staying up the night before I fly getting packed and organized for the day ahead and then as soon as the plane takes off and hits 10,000 feet, the earphones go in, the music from my phone goes on and I sleep through the whole flight.  I usually wake up about 20 minutes before we are going to land and eat a Kashi bar and then I hit the ground running for work.  Yesterday started the same way, but sadly everything went awry after that due to my seatmate.  He was a ery large guy and went partially on to my seat.  I probably the most sympathetic to some one in this situation so I jus scooted over a little to give him more room and got ready to hit 10 thousand feet.  I started to fall asleep, but sadly so did the guy next to me, but he had the issue that he was a major snorer and I do not mean a normal snorer I mean an open mouth, sleep apnea, loud obnoxious snorer!!  Loud enough that it penetrated my music and woke me up.  I spent the whole 4 hours listening to this man snore and trying to sleep.  ARGH. The last 20 minutes of the flight I really had to go to the bathroom but I could not get this guy to wake up enough to let me out and I could get around him due to his size.  I ran off the plane to the nearest bathroom......It is also why this blog is so late because I was exhausted when I got back to the hotel and I fell asleep pretty early but I also woke up really early!!

Being boobilicious.....I was wearing on of my new camis under a sweater for work.  Between the new bras that fit and the new cami, I guess my cleavage was more pronounced because one of my co-workers told me that I was looking boobilicious.   When she said it I felt slightly self concious, but then I looked around and my dress matched the majority of the women I worked with and my boobilicious status was only noticeable because I was wearing clothes that fit me and with losing so much weight I actually have an hour glass shape now because my waist is more defined and that too emphasizes my chest....I then felt beautiful and boobilicious..

Well it is time to sign off and rest some more before I get up for work...talk to you later.  We are going out to lunch today at work to a restaurant that has absolutely NO nutritional information aailable for its menu and that really annoys me, because calorie content of restaurant food is so hard to determine because you can not be sure how it is cooked and the portion sizes are usually quite large and really represent 2 or 3 normal portion sizes....I will let you know how it goes and what I have.....Take care..

I love my new hot pants....want to see....

 

NO!!!!  Not that kind of Hot Pants!!!  Are you crazy??  I won't even wear regular shorts yet!!

These kind of Hot Pants made by a company called Zaggora, and they claim that if these pants are worn during regular exercise that you can lose 4 times more weight than if you wear standard workout pants and in addition they are also supposed to help lose inches.  I saw the ad on Group-on for these pants and they intrigued me so I used the Group-on deal and purchased a pair, but I have to admit I am totally skeptical that these pants will make any kind of difference. They are made by a company in England so it took awhile to get them.  I wore them today while working at home and  running C here and there, my legs felt like they were warmer.  I will have to try them at yoga tomorrow.   I am taking their 2 week challenge of wearing them every day for at least 30 minutes a day, to see if I find the increase in weight loss and inches.  My first impression they are thicker than most workout clothes, which I am concerned about impacting my ability to move in yoga.  The other really noticable thing, is that they are incredibly loud when I walk, kind of like corduroy pants and my thighs rub together anyway so it is noticable to me.

I had a Kashi Bar and grapes from breakfast.  Lunch was a vitatop muffin, an avocado, and a tomato, and dinner was chicken and veggies. 

I had a conversation with J today regarding her motivation to be healthy and I hope my prespective helped her.  It is always amazing to me that I, the girl/woman that has been overweight her whole life and was always looking for the quick fix, could be the motivation for people to change their lives.  I was always looking for someone to motivate me to change and to be someones motivation is amazing.  

I posted this song on face book this morning and described how it represents to me the imaginary conversation between the strong, healthy woman that was begging to get out and the sad overweight woman that I had become.... so enjoy

Let me be myself by 3 Doors Down

Talk to you later.....and take care!!

Happy Early Birthday to me....

I weighed in today and I got myself the gift of losing 160.5 pounds before I turned 40....YEAH!!!  Happy Birthday to me...

I love the fact that I am a totally different person than I was for my birthday last year..Last year this time, I was out of control eating foods that were bad for me and eating fast food everyday and exercise was a word I never used or did.  This year I have not had fast food in almost a year vegetables and fruits are friends.  I eat high fiber foods and lean proteins.  I avoid processed foods and refined sugars.  Yoga has become my exercise of choice and I have increased my strength and flexibility.  I have energy to spare most days.  I am searching for the perfect 5K.  I no longer get winded running up the stairs.  I am more comfortable in my own skin. 

What does all this mean for me?  That as much as I am not looking forward to turning the big 4-0 tomorrow, I am determined that my 40's are going to be the most healthy of my life.  So come on 40's, you and me are going to be fast friends and face this life with a healthy outlook. 

So Happy Birthday to ME.....Thanks Crystal this is just what I wanted, a new look, a new body, and new LIFE!! 

Take Care Everyone....Talk to you later...

Why are women judged so harshly.....

You can probably tell tonight is going to be one of those blogs where I rant a little and yes it is issue that is close to my heart...how women are judged!!! 

I will start with my food today..I had a strawberry peach non fat no sugar Oat bran muffin.  Lunch was Salmon and grilled veggies.  Dinner was a tomato and a weigh watcher meal...I know boring right...I just did not feel like eating out tonight. I really want to curl up and throw the covers over my head and think about how it sucks to be judged sometimes....

We are all judged every now and then...whether it is work, home, or something as simple as what we eat, wear, or how we do our hair.  Some of these are favorable judgements and some are not so favorable. It seems to me sometimes that women are judged more harshly than our male counterparts and it has been this way throughout time. 

I struggled with these judgement issues all my life when dealing with my weight issues...there is a reason why the diet industry focuses on women....Overweight women are made to feel unattractive by our society.  Things are said like "She would be so cute if she only lost some weight"   Overweight girls struggle with finding a guy who can appreciate her curves.  Female celebrities are plastered on the front page of tabloids when they gain weight.  Where as over weight guys do not seem to struggle with these same issues, the exception being the gay community but that is a different topic all together..  I remember feeling like such an outcast throughout highschool, because I did not have a boyfriend, but the over weight guys I went to school with did not seem to have any problems getting a girl.   I was lucky and found a guy that loved me for who I was not how much I weighed, so they are out there but few and far between.  Is it any wonder that tween girls are fasted growing group that are becoming anorexic?  The sad part is for women this judgement leads to self loathing which leads to eating which leads to gaining more weight.  It is a vicious cycle. 

Sadly, weight is not the only area in our lives where we are judged....and sadly it is not just the opposite sex that participates in the judging!!  Over the last 2 years I have not only faced judgements about my weight, but also about my career and family.... The fact that I travel and work away from home as part of my career has led many to judge me to be a "bad" mother and wife.  Things are said to me like "At least I stay home and take care of my children instead of galivanting off to California!!" or "It easy to be a perceived as a good mom when you are rarely home."  Okay if a guy traveled for his job, whether he is a truck driver that does long distance driving, a CEO that has to travel for his business, or a consultant like me, he is viewed to be doing what is necessary to provide for his family and therefore a good provider, husband, and father, yet as a working woman and business owner I am viewed as a lousy absentee mother and wife that cares more about my career than my family.  This leads to me feeling guilty about being gone and in the past I would feed this guilt with food, but not anymore!!  I have broken this cycle!!  So instead of feeling guilty, I am going to confront those judgements right here tonight!!!  I am a DAMN good mother and wife!!  Everything I do is for my family and making sure we have the best life possible!!  I work my ass off and yes part of my job involves having to get on a plane and travel across the country, but guess what???   I make sure my family is taken care of even when I am thousand of miles away!!  My family has always come first to me!   In fact, I think that I am being a great example for my young daughter, I am showing her that a woman can be successful business woman and a mother.  If you think that my job makes me a bad mother or wife or any other label that you want to put on me than please keep it to yourself, because the next person that says this about me will see a side of me that they do not want me to see.

Now that I have ranted, I have to say that I am also very blessed that I have people in my life that support me and are proud of my every accomplishment, whether it is my weight loss or my career...and these friends and family members are the people that know me better than everyone.  I am grateful for every single one of them and listing them would take forever and they remind me that those people that judge others for what ever reason, whether it is weight, career, or hairstyle are usually doing it because of jealousy or desire to make themselves feel better about their life and choices.  Fighting that is impossible, so the better tact is to ignore the haters and let them be miserable. The best revenge is to enjoy your life right? 

Rant over...take care of yourself and be happy in your own skin...I am learning how to do that every day!!!

Time to catch up...Hurricane, family visit, and back to work and looking ahead to the big 4-0

So I left off with a storm blowing into town and preparing for no power and it is a good thing that I prepared because we were without power for 4 days that I was home.   I had lots of Kashi bars and at night we would plug in the generator and I would have a weight watcher frozen dinner cooked in the microwave.  When I was at the breaking point, it was time for me to fly to Portland for a planned visit to see my Grandmother who is 95.  I stayed with Uncle D and G and I could not have asked for better hosts that took care of C and I while visited. 

It was so nice to see everyone and to feel comfortable in my own skin, not have that feeling like everyone was biting their tongue not to say something about how out of control my weight was because they did not want to hurt my feelings.  I loved Portland and seeing the town.  Beyond the party filled with relatives that I have not seen in forever, I got to see a little of Portland as we went to the Saturday Market and walked around.  It was so good to be able to walk around and not feel tired and sluggish.  I am so blessed that I made this decision to get healthy.

Luckily while I was gone we got power back.  I had felt so guilty leaving F behind in a house with no power.  I got in around 9:00 pm monday and it was a quick turn around of unpacking, laundry, and repacking to fly out to Los Angeles for work on Tuesday.  C is still out of school, but luckily we have established a great support system so F is able to go to work without dealing with having an 8 year old with him.

I am turning 40 on Sunday, my goal is to be at 160 pounds lost for my birthday present to myself. What better present is there than to be healthy and it is a gift that I can only give myself.  Noone could have made this journey for me.  I had to do it and I had to make the decision almost a year ago that my health was more important than anything else I could ever want or need.  I will go and weigh in on Saturday, but whether I meet my goal or not I have made huge strides to ensuring that I have many more birthdays to celebrate with F and C by my side. I have found an inner strength that I did not know I had and has become such an intergral part of me.  While it would be tempting to go splurge on food on my birthday, instead I am planning on going to yoga.  Nothing better than a little inner peace as I go through the transitition to being 40 right? 

Well time to get some work done. 

Talk to you later....take care...

All is well...

It is that time again...time to tell you that I am surviving the bad weather and I still have power...Everyone has eaten and is now watching TV....

My meals consisted of a Vita top muffin and cherries for breakfast,  Lunch was a avocado, tomato, and a vita top muffin...taking advantage of the toaster while I have power...once it goes I am a straight Kashi girl.  Dinner was some low fat teriakyi chicken....and a tomato.  Using up the veggies. 

Meanwhile...I was making food for the family throughtout the day....sandwiches for lunch....Eggs and toast for C for Dinner and F finally had the smoked Pork Hock that we brought back from Germany...Dishes have been cleared and put in the dishwasher to run later if we still have power. 

We are all fine and happy..I am more worried about my trip getting cancelled...I really want and need to spend time with my family!!  Yoga was cancelled today which is throwing my body for a loop even though I tried to do some at home..but it is hard to find your center with an 8 year old bugging you...

Tak to you later...and take care.

So far so good...

Today was stressful....F had to go to work...C had to stay home....and I had to work!!!  These three things together leads to a bored child that wants to know when I have muted my conference call so that she can talk and watch TV with sound.  Not to mention, the Mommy can you make me (fill in the blank)  Meanwhile, I had a pretty good food day.  I am saving my Kashi Bars for if we do not have power.  

Breakfast was a avocado and tomato salad.   Lunch was Vita top muffin and cherries.  Dinner was a turkey breast, grilled zucchini, asparagus and avocado and some grapes for dessert. 

It was sunny and warm all day...so why was C home with me?  Argh!!

I am having some water rentention this week, of course it is that time.  I know because I can feel the swelling in my foot. 

Ok...I promise as long as I have the capability I will blog and let you know how we are doing and how I am surviving...

Take care and talk to you later..

How do you plan for eating healthy in a hurricane?

We are under watches and warnings for the wonderful hurricane, so what is someone who eats healthy to do?  My previous hurrican shooping included lots of junk foods that stay good forever....this time it involved stocking up on fruits and vegetables that I could enjoy eating raw and kashi bars that are my old stand by and some very lean lunch meat for protein.  I also picked up peanut butter, jelly, and bread for C and some granola bars for F. 

Yoga was fabulous oday, but here again the possible hurricane is affecting my life since yoga classes will be cancelled if it should come our way.  ARGH.... 

Today was a good food day...Breakfast was a tomato and avocado salad.  Lunch was cherries and vitatop cranberry oat muffin.  Dinner was teriakyi chicken and vegetables with a tomato for desert.

I will still be working since my job still goes on even though I may or may not be in the middle of a hurricane. 

So that said Blogging will be dependent on having power and internet....if you do not hear from me please do not worry, I will be fine.  Eating healthy and getting through this my goal right now and I will blog as long as I can and will return to the blog as soon as I can to let you know how it went.

Talk to you later...Take care.

Is it too much to ask for a drama free life?

So usually I try to keep the family drama off my blog, but occassionally the stress is too much and I have to share.   After much making sure that everything would work perfectly, C's activity schedule was set and while it is exhausting to look at sometimes, it allows her to do the activites that she loves and be competitive in both.  Then soccer has to throw a wrench in things by suddenly throwing a horrible coach into the mix and now it is all up in the air again...this stresses me out!!  I do not want to disappoint C but this coach is unacceptable to the point that I will not let her play.  That is so hard for me to say....this coupled with my work stress is making it hard to resist that doughnuts that I bought for F and C this morning.  I knwo why do I do this to myself.

I weighed in this morning and lost 3.5 pounds bringing the 157.5 pounds total...

This is a work from home week, but I am expecting a stress filled week.  F goes back to school.  C's schedule is up in the air.  C and I fly to Portland, OR on Fridayto go see family. 

But when it is all said and done I love my life....

Talk to you later...take care!!

I have got to learn how to take a compliment

I suck at taking a compliment about how I look.  For one, I am not used to it yet and second I don't really believe it or I take it the wrong way.,....

Here is how the day of compliments began....I go to the hotel lobby to catch my cab for work and the valet from the hotel opened the cab door for me and as I am getting in made a point of telling how good I looked and then said "don't lose much more you look great right now."   I thanked him, but the whole cab ride to work I am thinking, is he blind I need to lose at least 70 more. I know, I know not the way to think right!!

Then I was in a meeting at work and a co-worker I have not seen in months comes up to me after the meeting and tells me how she saw my name on the agenda and was looking around for me.  When I started talking she said she was shocked...I did not even look like the same person anymore.  I am thinking there are still some days when I do not see the difference. 

 Then I was outside and ran into someone else that I had not seen in months and she asked "did you have the surgery to lose the weight?"  You look so great....I told her no that I changed my relationship with food and exercise and made the life changes...Her response "are you sure?"  I am thinking"no I forgot that I went under the knife and had a majority of my stoomach taken away.....ARGH!!  Like I am going to lie about how I lost my weight!! 

The day ended withone of the admins at work,who is always telling me how good I look, asked me what my total was up to and I told her 154 and she started telling that I am an inspiration to her to make the changes too and who should walk up and she is elling what an inspiration I am....the Director of my department that I have not really had any interaction with and the director asks, "Why is she inspiring" so the the admin starts telling her my story and the director says, "Wow that is inspiring, but that is really quick to lose that much weight."  I was thinking it is not like I am starving myself or exercising until I vomit the weight is just coming off...


So that is my story....I need to learn to just say thanks and take them for compliments...RIGHT??

I did talk to guy at lunch at my work that does yoga and is trying out studios near our office and he promised to tell me if he found a good studio.

I had a banana blueberry muffin nonfat and sugar free muffin for breakfast.  A salad for lunch. Dinner was a weight watcher microwave meal because I do not feel like going out and since I was at the grocery store I picked up a tomato and some cherries to have for dessert.

Tomorrow is a travel day..and I can not wait to be home. 

Talk to you later....take care...

Please dont't call me that....

I had the experience today of someone saying that I was "skinny" and I thought in my head, "please do not call me that!!"  Why, you may ask would I feel like that?  Well  I am far from skinny, I have another 70 pounds to lose and when you say I am skinny now, it just seems very insincere and makes me think the other things that you do not really mean the other things that you are saying as well. 

I know that they were trying to make me feel good about myself, but it had the opposite effect.

Breakfast was a non fat no sugar mixed berry oat bran muffin.  I got taken out to lunch today by the fir that recruited me for my current contract...I had a salad with seared tuna.  Dinner was grilled vegetables and a tomato.

I can not believe how much I miss my organized Yoga classes when I am in LA....It is amazing how much they relax and invigorate me at the same time.

Talk to you later.

Seems like last week was just a fluke!!

I weighed in this morning and lost 3.5 pounds raising the total to 154 pounds lost!!!  It felt good to see it go down this week, because I was really afraid that I was hitting a plateau!  Plateaus suck because it can take awhile to get your body back into the losing trend and being stuck is never fun. 

Life is getting busier with C's activties and F getting ready to go back to work, I have to find a way in between the competitive dance and the semi-competitive soccer season that are both starting, not to mention school and tests that need to be studied for and little girl that needs a full time chauffeur to make time to go to Yoga and get what I need to stay on track.  F is fabulous at helping out, bu he can only do so much when the semester starts as he is busy, teaching, preparing tests, grading tests, offering study sessions, and getting ready for his tenure review.  But finding time for myself to get my exercise, can NOT be the thing that gets flung to the backburner in favor of them, because I need to exercise!!!

Well I have finished the morning soccer practice, buying of the last additional items for the soccer season, and grocery shopping,   Now it is time to finish the laundry and hang with the family,

Talk to you later...Take Care!!!

From "Unpretty"' to "New Attitude" Much better lookiing for the inner beauty and strength

Earlier today I was really down on myself and feeling really unpretty!!  So I have shared before that I have alot of loose skin from the 150+ pounds that I have lost.  Even with clothes on it is noticeable.  I was expecting it and tried to prepare myself but when looking in the mirror and seeing the sagging loose skin is very hard to stomach.  Most of it is located in the my upper and lower abdomen, though my thighs and arms have some too...I was handling it, I keep telling myself that after I lose another 80 pounds  I will go see a plastics guy and start making the plans for removal and until then I can cover it and hide the worse of it. Then, I realized the other night that I have a little bit of loose skin on my face. I freaked, it is not terribly noticeable right now, but I keep worrying that it will be.  I do not like looking at my body in the mirror at all...I do not feel like I am getting a fabulous body from all my hard work.. I wanted to do all this hard work and get the reward of this fabulous body, but instead I am doing this hard work and instead of beauty I am getting strength...and then I thought about that...

Strength instead of beauty...is that really the worse thing that can happen???  I mean would it have been better if I lost the weight and looked fabulous, no loose skin or flaws left from the years of abuse that I heaped upon my body, but instead I did not get the strength that I am getting from pushing my body to do more than it has ever done.  I could have found the way to lose the weight that did not result in me totally changing my relationship with food and been back to eating horribly after I lost the weight and learned nothing. 

Instead I have gained the inner strength that comes from knowing that I did this  purely through hard work and Exercise.  I have learned that my relationship with food was very unhealthy and changed how I view food...It is not a comfort item, but instead is the fuel that I use to do the activties that I enjoy.  I have learned that I can take a body that was so out of shape that walking up a flight of stairs caused me to be out of breath and changed it into a body that do yoga and enjoy every second of it.   I am can alk all over the place and not feel tired and grumpy.  I have changed my innerself and that part of my body is strong and beautiful....so okay the outer portion in not sexy and gorgeous right now, but there are ways to fix that and when I am ready I will find a way to have it done and in the mean time I will continue to strengthen that inner part...

I have a new position that I am struggling with in my Yoga class, it is the Side Plank...ARGH...I am going to get this move I swear I will....

Breakfast was a Kashi Bar....Lunch was cucumbers and tomatoes and a Kashi Bar.  Dinner was chicken and vegetables. 

Talk to you  later!!!  Take care...

Never let yourself get so tired you literally can fall asleep standing up...

I say this because I did this on the Monday to Tuesday time period....It is amazing how sometimes you can not turn off your mind an keep going over everything that frustrates you and trying to figure out how to change things and it keeps you from sleeping.  I spent Tuesday being exhausted, but I had work and life must go on.  After work, I took C t dance and then went to Yoga and found the inner peace that I get there.  Then I left yoga and it was back to pick C up and on the way I found myself going over things and getting frustrated again.  In this state of exhaustion, it is amazing how thngs that typically do not bother can rub you the totally wrong way.  When I finally got home and had my dinner and got C to bed.  I was so frustrated again that I felt like I was going to long on the couch...the next thing I remember it was 4:00 in the morning and I woke up on the couch.

Lack of sleep is not good for the metabolism because your body does not know how long you are planning on depriving it of this much needed function.  I need to really work on making sure I sleep.

Food today was a Vitatop muffin and avocado for breakfast.  Lunch was a Kashi bar, a tomato, and cherries.  Dinner was chicken and veggies...I know boring but I love it!!


Talk to you later. 

I need my relaxation to last longer

I stayed up all night, I just could not sleep so around 7:00 am I had breakfast which was cherries and a Kashi bar.   I took C to school at 8:00 am and then stopped at the grocery store and picked up an avocado and tomatoes and that was my lunch.  I was suppose to wake F up when I got home but I was distracted by the conference calls that I had this morning, so sadly he missed a Dr's appointment.  I spent the rest of the day working.  I picked C up at the aftercare program with her dance bag and then it was on the road to dance.  One she was settled in, I headed out and went to Yoga.  I did the full bow again today.  Yeah for me..

Then clas was over, so it ws back to dance class and I see C sitting on the floor watching Ballet..It seems that she hurt her knee.  Argh!!! I gave her some motrin and we will see how it feels in morning.   So it is 9:00 pm, and I need to eat dinner..

But when it is all said and done, I really do love my life and those who cause me frustration.  I just need to let it go and realize that I can not change other people...

Talk to you later....since it is time eat!!

Sorry life has been busy...

So lets start with my hard news...I gained half a pound this week...I have no clue why, I ate healthy and exercised.  So I am taking it as a blip on the screen and seeing how I do next week. 

Life has been busy, but I have been making sure to take time for myself..  I went to Yoga yesterday and had a great time. 

I have been eating healthy, lots of fruits and veggies.   I find that I really enjoy eating healthy is really quite easy when I am home.  I love the reactions that I have been getting a C's school.   I think I shocked her teacher from last year when she saw me today.   I have lost a whole person after all...I can not believe that I have hit the 2/3's mark in my weight loss.  I have about 70 pounds left to go and I have lost 151...OMG this is so amazing. 

I had a vita-top muffin for breakfast and lunch was a Kashi bar and some cherries. 

I have no idea about dinner yet, but I will figure it out.

Talk to you later.

It is expensive to eat healthy and EARTHQUAKE!!!

I know I have said this before but it really is expensive to eat healthy!!!  I had a  black cherry peach no fat no sugar blue corn muffing this morning. I had basically back to back meetings this morning, but during the one short break that I had...my desk began to shake and the floor began to quake and it lasted for a short while....I asked what was THAT??  It was an earthquake my co-workers said quite non chalantly.  REALLY??!!! I do not like that feeling at all!!! I tried to just calm down..and luckily I had another meeting to go to in order to distract me. 

We went out as a group to lunch to celebrate my co-worker S's Birthday.  We went to a new restaurant about 2 blocks from our office.  It was a gorgeous restaurant.  I ordered the Roasted Asparagus for $9 and a small Salad for another $11 dollars and with my Diet coke my lunch total was $26 dollars.  Meanwhile some of my co-workers got mice hamburgers or the Farro, lentil, Mushroom burger with fries or a salad for around the same price.  As I sat there munching my 5 spears of Asparagus and my salad I could not help thinking we are paying the same price and they are getting twice as much food.  Is my lettuce and asapargus really that much more expensive???  The craziest part is that I could have bought food for C, F, and I at McDonald's for the same amount of money....That is just crazy to me.

Dinner was a cereal bar, a tomato, and some cherries.  I am so glad that I can afford to buy fresh fruits and vegetables. 

Well...here is praying that I do not feel anymore shaking and quaking tonight!!

Talk to you later!!! Take Care..

Another work day and total exhaustion!!

I was so totally exhausted yesterday that I fell asleep very early last night and then woke up at 2:00 in the morning and could not fall back to sleep.  ARGH!!! I was tired all day today!  It was a pretty good food day.  I had a Bosenberry peach scone this morning, I had a salad with grilled chicken without the cheese or croutons for lunch.  I offered to go pick up lunch just so I could get a walk in and get some fresh air.  For dinner I had a tomato, a frozen weight watcher frozen meal, and some cherries for dessert. 

I love the compliments that I get about how good I look, but I am still having those days when I look in the mirror and I see the flaws.  Mainly it is the loose skin that I know will never allow my stomach to look flat, until I have it removed.  So for now it is a matter of wearing clothes that hide those flaws.  On the other hand I proud of those flaws!!  Yes I have loose skin but it is better than skin stretched tightly by fat.  I have energy and the ability to move and stretch my body better than I have ever done in the past!!  I am stronger and happier with my body. I proud of that loose skin because it is a testament to my hard work!!!

Well I will talk to you later!!! Take care.

Horrible travel day...and the impact.

So today started like my typical travel monday, which means being at the airport ot 5:30 in the morning.  Because of this I end up not sleeping the night before because I am busy doing laundry, organizing my family's schedule and of course packing.  I get to the airport and the check in person tells me that my flight has been delayed by 45 minutes.  I was not oncerned, but whe 45 minutes turned in to 90 minutes, turned in to 2 hours, turned into 3 hours, turned into 4 hours....I was exhausted and grumpy and trying not to fall asleep by myself in a busy airport.  The airline offered food vouchers but there was nothing for me to eat there anyway, so I had one of the Kashi bars in my bag at around 7:30.  We finally took off at 11:30 and I fell asleep as soon as I felt the plane take off.  I had another Kashi bar when I woke up right as were getting ready to land in LA arounf 1:30 PT.   I got to work around 3:00 pm...what a waste of day.. I worked for three hours and then off to the hotel.  I did not want to order food tonight but could not face having another Kashi bar, so I walked across the street to the grocery store and pick up a tomato, an avocado, and frozen Weight Watcher meal and Cherries for dessert. 

I hate putting a lot of calories at the end of  the day, but I was hungry.  I am now chilling out and relaxing.

I am exhausted now but I am trying to stay up a couple of hours so that I can allow my Metabolism to burn through some of those calories before sleeping.

Talk to you later...and I hoe your day was better than mine.

Perfect way to spend my sunday evening

I had a fabulous Sunday, not because I went out to a nice restaurant or because I went shopping, but because I had a pretty relaxing day with my family.  I had a Kashi bar and a nectarine for breakfast.  Lunch was some cucumber and tomato salad.  Dinner was chicken and veggies and an avocado.  

I spent the morning watching the olympics.  I think I am finally starting to understand Water Polo.  Not sure if that is a good thing but I have watched enough games.  That was followed by volleyball, eqestarian, and beach volleyball.   At 4:30, I headed out for a Yoga class.  I had a great time and felt so good at the end of the class.  It prepared me for a week in LA and reminded me that I have a routine that I can do in the hotel room.  Once I finished Yoga, it was off to do a little grocery shopping and then home to watch the Saints play.  I am taping the Olympics to watch after the game is over. 

I have a couple more things to do and of course a few more clothes to wash before I am ready to pack.  I am predicting that I will be up all night and then sleep on the plane as usual.   I  have alot to get done this week. 

I am a little sad because C starts school on Thursday and I will not be there, but it is the fact of my life that I can not always be in town for these things.  I will be there for the first full week though and that will give me an opportunity to meet her teacher. 

I am going to spend time with my husband and enjoy my evening...

Talk to later..take care!!

Weigh in results.

I lost a pound this week...and if that was all I knew I might have been frustrated but luckily they have that fancy scale that shows how much is Fat, Water, and Muscle mass.  I gained a pound of muscle this week and also had a pound more of fluid.  I knew I was retaining fluid so I am expecting that it will all even out next week.  My total 9 month total weight loss in 151 pounds.  I could never have imagined 9 months ago that I would be over 150 pounds lighter!!  I am a size 18 on the bottom and a size 12/14 on the top.  I have lost a whole person and gained a new me.  The new me likes to exercise and move! 

Today is another busy weekend with a birthday party and some more shopping to do for C's school that starts next week. 

I will try and blog again later tonight.

Talk to you later and take care.

I did a Full Bow!!!

I went to my fifth yoga class in five days.  I had one of those moments tonight that I can use to prove to myself that I am stronger and better for going on this weight loss journey and the impact that yoga has had on my body.  When I started Yoga I could not do a Half  Bow.  That is where you are laying on the floor you bend your leg and reach back with your hand and grab your ankle.  A couple of months ago I was finally able to do the half bow, but the Full Bow NO WAY!! Well tonight, I did the half bow and when it was time to try the full bow and reached back and what happened....My hand met my ankle and I suddenly I was in FULL BOW!!!  We held it for a little while as I shouted in my head, I DID IT!!!  MY BODY HAS GAINED THE ABLITY TO DO IT!!!   So just in case you have no clue what I am talking about and can not visualize it...This is what it looks like!!

I am sure that I did not look as effortless as person looks, but I did it and I held it!!!


Earlier in the day, I stopped by C's school to pick up the AfterCare registration form for this school  year and when the school secretary that also runs the after care program came out of her office, she saw me and her mouth dropped open and she said "C's Mom????"  I said "Yeah"   She came around the counter to hug me and tell me how great I look.    She then asked me how I did it...  I love sharing my story!!  I promised to send her the link to my blog, so I can not forget to do that!!!

So Food today was a Vita-Top Blueberry Oat muffin and some tomato.  Lunch was another Vita-Top and some cherries.  Dinner came after yoga and was some chicken and vegetable and some cucumber. 


I am watching the Olympics right now so I am going to end this blog and watch these athletes excel!!

Talk to you later!! Take Care!

Day 4 of the Yoga challenge.

So after the migraine hit last night, I was not sure that I was going to be up for Yoga today.  Then I had the day from hell, with work all piling up and my head was hurting.  I only took a break to run and pick up C from Theater Camp.  I had 2 hours before we had to leave for Soccer camp and it just could not make my fingers fly fast enough!! I kept trying to hurry, but I was touching things that if they were messed up would cause major issues. Luckily F was home and offered to take C to soccer camp and encouraged me tojust go to yoga. 

I finished my time sensitive work with 20 minutes to go until Yoga would start and I decided I needed to go, so I packed myself into the car and drove very fast to Yoga studio and got there just as class was scheduled to start.   I took a deep breath and decided that I was going to have a good class and I did.  I loved it!!! I felt so strong.  I am getting better every time I go to class!!

Food today was a little boring!!  A vitatop muffin for breakfast.  A kashi bar and a nectarine for lunch.  Chicken and Veggies for dinner.


My song inspiration today came in the form of a Phillip Phillips song...I did not really like him on American Idol he just seemed so bland to me, but his song "Home" had lyrics that spoke to me and reminded me that it is all about how you look at things and the decisions that you make in your life....and the Lyric is......."Settle Down..It'll all be clear. Don't pay no mind to the demons, They fill you with fear. The trouble it might drag you down.  If you get lost, you can always be found.  Just know you are not alone!"   I know I am not alone in the journey, because I have all of my friends supporting me and helping me along the way!! So I thank all of you!!!

Talk to you later and take care!!!

The Good, The Bad, and the Downright Ugly!!!

I will start with my food and then go into the Good, Bad, and Ugly.  I had a Vita-Top Muffin and a tomato and some cherries.    Lunch was Avocado and tomatoes.  Dinner was Chicken and vegetables.

GOOD:  As I was working I got a call from the Physician office were I go to weigh in, I thought it was the typical reminder phone call but instead it was one of the physicians in the practice that was calling because they were doing chart reviews today and my file was pulled and he was so amazed by my progress that he had to call and congratulate me!!  I was shocked to say the least.  It was quite a little boost to my ego that is for sure.

BAD: So I came up with this  crazy idea to challenge myself by doing a Yoga class every day this week.  It has been hard to do it and not feel guilty because C has an evening soccer camp this week and I have to leave for portions of it in order to go to class.  I love watching her practice.  I stood out in the heat and humidity for about 45 minutes and then rushed off to yoga class.  My muscles were achy from two straight days of yoga and I was struggling but determined to meet my challenge and then about half way through class when the migraine started and I struggled even more to just get through the class.  I was so grateful for the end to come and to just lay there and try to relax.   Am I going to let this stop me from doing this again tomorrow?  No WAY!!!

Ugly:  So this is really two things that are very much related.  I have loose skin....I have lost a large amount of weight and I am not young with elastic skin...It is located on my thighs, arms and abdomen!!  I try not to focus on it, but it is very noticeable when I am doing yoga especially doing any thing like downward dog or table.  When I look in the mirrors in the studio I can see it just hanging there, but I refuse to were Spanxs to the yoga studio!!!   So this loose skin has another side effect, it is a breeding ground for bacteria especially my lower abdomen and I ended up with a skin infection.  It is ugly looking!!!  I went to the doctor today and she prescribed an antibiotic to take, but she warned that until I get to loose skin removed I am at risk for these kind of things!! ARGH!!  I know too much information right?  Well it can not all be sunshine and rainbows, this is the ugly side of losing alot of weight..... So today we started the record that will hopefully help me fight with the insurance company to get them to pay for the plastic surgery when  I finally get down to my goal weight!! 

Okay enough whining!!

Take care and talk to you later!!

A great yoga class and the shopping right before class

Today turned into a unprocessed food day for me, Breakfast was avocado, cucumber, and tomatoes.  Lunch was more cucumbers and tomatoes.  Dinner was chicken and veggies and for dessert cherries and grapes. 

So let me tell you about the day in between those healthy meals.  I spent the morning watching the olympics.   Around 3:00 pm, I went shopping mainly because I had a gift cheque that expired today that gave me $80 in free clothes.  So I decided to buy a couple more pairs of work pants.  I decided to try on pair of size 18 pants just to see how far away I was....and yep you can guess the rest the pants actually zipped up!!!  I bought the pants and then on a lark I decide to go to Express and try on some shirts....I pulled a large from the rack and headed to the dressing rooms.  I slipped the top on and it fit!!!!  WHAT!!! I can now shop at regular stores at least for tops!! I was so freaked out that I left the top at the store and headed out to my car to drive to Yoga saying to myself "I can wear a large at Express".... 

Yoga was fabulous.  It has been over 3 weeks since I have been to an actual Yoga class and I realized that I have missed it.  I loved stretching my muscles and testing my flexibilty.  I had lost some of my fleibility, but I am determined to get it back .

Well take care and talk to you later...

Another week down and another Weigh in...

So as I had a week of finding myself and realizing that I am more noticeable.  I faced the weigh in this week with confidence.  I stepped on the scale and was surprised beyond belief when it showed a 5 pound weight loss!!!  To make it even more memorable, it marked a total of 150 pounds lost!!!!  I feel like I could conquer the world right now. 

Plans for the day include a party with the soccer team to watch the US women's team play Columbia!! I am planning on bringing a Kashi bar along with me to survive the junk food that I am sure will be plentiful.  I need to go grocery shopping today and then I will just hang with the family and watch some more Olympics.  I am an Olympics freak!!!  I love watching premier athletes at thier best competing.  For me it is not about who wins or loses, it is about the pure competition!

So I will talk to you later...Take care!!

Have I been wearing an invisibility cloak?

For years I have felt invisible to the most of the outside world except my friends and family.  You know that person that is not attractive enough to garner any attention on the street.  No men turning their heads as I walk on by to check me out.  Like I was Harry Potter wearing his invisbility cloak to sneak off the grounds of Hogwarts...but in the last couple of days I have been feeling like I took that cloak off and it feels nice.  I have noticed little things like walking across the plaza at work and some guy waiting for me to get there to open the door.  I had a guy stop and try to start a conversation with me.   I had a girl that has never spoken to me before at work make a point this morning of telling me that she really liked the dress I wore at work yesterday.   I noticed that my strides are a little longer.  I stand a little taller.  Since I have taken the cloak off I do not ever intend to put it back on. 

My food today was pretty good.,...I had a no fat, no sugar added peach mango blue corn muffin for breakfast.  I had a chopped salad with lettuce, cucumber, peppers, shredded chicken and avocado.   Dinner tonight is oatmeal and some fresh strawberries.  

I spent some time today looking at some clothing store websites that I would love to shop at and noticing that I should fit into their XL.  That is a long way from where I was in October on the verge of being too big to get clothes from Lane Bryant!  I fly home tomorrow and I am looking forward to being back with F and C and most of all being able to get back into the Yoga routine.

Well talk to you later and take care. . 

Unexpected compliments are the best..

So I am LA this week and so far so good...For breakfast I had a Peach Apricot Low fat no sugar added scone this morning.  Lunch was my favorite Salmon and Grilled veggies.  Diner was more grilled veggies and a Kashi bar.  

So I wore a skirt to work for the first time today.  I had several people I work with tell me that it looked really nice.  I got out of the taxi this evening and the valet guys at the hotel told me that my shape was looking great now!!  Ahh...I think that was a come on line, but I thanked them and headed up to my room.  I stopped at the hotel restaurant to get some silverware for my dinner and the girl who works there made a point of telling me how fabulous I was looking and she asked me how much I have lost so far.  I gave her the total and one of the women at the bar said, "damn, how did you do it...I can not lose five pounds."  I talked to them for a little bit about what I have been doing and then the woman looked down at her french fries and said, "I guess you don't eat these huh."  I replied, "No".  She replied, " you are stronger than me!!"

I wish though that I felt more comfortable in my own skin sometimes...I see the flaws and the loose skin and judge myself so harshly.  I do not see the great looking person that other people see.  Why is that? 

I am looking forward to going back home and getting my yoga classes started again.  F and I are also joining a regular gym..Time to start doing some toning and cardio and starting to trian from that 5 K I want to run. 

Well time to watch some TV and chill out. 

Talk to you later. 

I went, I visited, and I conquered!!!! Weigh in results

So the official results are in and I lost 5.5 pounds during my two week adventure in Germany!!  To say I am thrilled would be an understatement!! While it was not hard work, it was just a little extra will power to resist some foods that looked really good but that I knew would not be good for me.  I owe part of this success to my in-laws who were all so accomodating and fabulous!!

My first breakfast back in my own house was avocado and tomato salad...YUM!!!

Talk to you later...have a great weekend!!!

Vielen Vielen Vielen Danke!!! I am finally home again...Long blog ahead

So first I must start my blog by thanking my family in Germany, who went out of their way to make sure that the healthy options were plentiful and wonderful tasting.  It made this adventure so much easier!!  So where to begin....

AIRPLANE FOOD!!!  ARGH!!!  Ok It was really good that I planned ahead and made sure that I had some Kashi bars available for my long flights, because airplane food is impossible!!!  We flew First Class to and from Germany.  I was hoping that there would be at least some healthy options, but alas it was not to be at all.  I ended up taking cheese off of salads and trying to trying to eat the salads with out the dressings that were offered.  My husband ended up getting 2 desserts and I sent back entrees after just eating the vegetables a bite or two of the protien. 

Once in Germany, things were much better..so let me start with the foods that I indulged in while I was there...I had 2 herring sandwiches...Hey do not knock it until you try one of my mother in law's yummy sandwiches on fresh bread!!!  I had a couple bites of Bratwurst and couple of bites of some fresh pretzels and a couple of glasses of wine that is about it...My mother in law and sister-in-laws and Tante R made wonderful vegetable options for me lunch and dinner and for breakfast I had my Oatmeal and fresh fruits and vegetables.  I got to try some grains that I have never tried before namely Bulgur...which by the way is FABULOUS!!!  C loved it too and it is definitely something that I will be making at home too. 

This is not to say there were not challenges and temptations along the way.  There were fabulous cakes and tortes that I resisted though my eyes and stomach were begging me  to indulge.   There was a fabulous pig that was cooked over an open flame that looked and smell fabulous. My favorite sausage Weisswurst called to me one morning. There was the day that we spent at a midevil festival and it seems that just like in the US in Germany festival food does not include any healthy options.  There was fabulous ice creams with flavors that sounded very yummy! The Konditeries and Bakeries had scents that wafted through the air and begged to have you consume the fresh baked breads and desserts. Not to mention the wonderful meats, spaetzel, and Potato Salad that my mother in law made that smelled enticing and my body remembered indulging in in the past. Last but certainly not least the challenge of resisting the beers, wines and coffee that I know taste wonderful..instead I drank alot of water and coke zero, that my father in law lovingly made sure were always available at the house.  But all in all, I made it through the these challenges feeling strong and  healthy! 

The flight home was a whole new challenge though....After making it though the long flight home where the healthiest option was a chicken breast with hollandaise sauce!!  ARGHH!!!  I had a Kashi bar and was looking forward to getting back home and having something healthy, but alas the travel gods decided that I needed a new and harder challenge!!!  Our flight home from Philly was delayed!!!  So our three hour layover turned into a 5 hour layover!!  I can hereby attest to the fact that the food options in Philly airport does not include healthy options!!  There were cheesesteaks, gyros, hot dogs, and fried foods galore but not a single healthy low fat option!!  At this point I was planning on having a weight watcher meal that I knew was in my freezer when I finally got home, but the travel gods laughed at my plans!!!  We sat on the tarmac for 3 hours waiting to take off and just as we were about to take off the pilot made the announcement that since we did not manage to take off in the last 15 minutes that the crew would be over the allowed the travel hours so we had to go back to the gate......we deplaned and went to the long line at the customer service center were another 2 hours were spent rebooking our flight and being told that they did not have any hotel rooms left to give out...Luckily status has some privileges...I was able to get a hotel room at a Marriott hotel in downtown Philly when most of the hotels were sold out!!  The airline will be getting the bill, but I am not optimistic that I will see any money!!  We got to the hotel about 1:00 am and the only options that were available Chinese or Pizza delivery or the 7-11 across the street.  F and I headed across the street to 7-11, stressed out and hungry.  I found a Fiber One bar and junk food a plenty for C and F.  I was so tempted in the that damn 7-11 to just buy chips, ice cream, and candy to deal with the stress, but I resisted thanks to F, who kept me sane. 

Breakfast this morning was some oatmeal that I still had left over from my travels and some fruit from the club lounges complimentary breakfast buffet.  We got home and even though it was pouring rain, I went out in a downpour and flooded streets to load up the fridge with something other than the chocolate that F and C brought home from Germany.  

So now for accomplishments!!! I climbed up a hill that in past I would not have been able to do at all and while the thin air got to me I was able to accomplish this task without feeling like I was dying.  I went to LegoLand in Germany and there was not a ride that I could  not ride.  2 years ago when we went to Disney, this was not the case!!  I walked around cities in Germany and never once felt tired or winded.  I conquered my fear of airplane bathrooms!!

Tomorrow I have to face the scale, but I do not care what it says I made the choices that were the best for me at the time and I made it through this experience feeling better about myself!!

Well that is all for now!!  I have missed you all!!!  Talk to you later!!!

Let the games begin

First let me start with weigh in results...I weighed in yesterday and lost 4.5 pounds...bringing the total to 139.5!!  I am using this as motivation to stay on the straight and narrow in Germany...

Speaking of Germany, we leave today.  I am anxious and excited.   I hoping that I am truly strong enough to stay on course while in Germany.

I am going to try and blog to let you know how it is going...

Please send good thoughts my way...

Talk to you later..

Happy 4th of July!!!

Sometimes it is just prespective...

SO yesterday I went on about all the faults with my new body...beating myself up...but today it was all about prespective.  F decided to come with me to return the dress I bought yesterday and we looked for a new dress and found two that looked great on me with out the spanxs....I only got one of them because the other one was such a dressy dress that I would have to buy tickets to the opera to wear but his mouth dropped open when I walked out in that dress...It made me feel fabulous...

Breakfast was a Vita top Cranberry Oat muffin.  Lunch was a Kashi bar while I worked and C watched TV, while the cleaning serivce that  F hired cleaned my house so that I do not have to stress about coming home to a mess.  Have I said lately what a great guy I am married to!!  Even at my heaviest F never made me feel anything but beautiful!! He has never used my weakness against me....He has always done the opposite and told me how absolutely beautiful he thinks I am....On top of all of that...he loves me enough to be honest when somethng does not look good on me, but in a nice sweet way.  He spoils me!! My husband says things like...you need a new Coach purse...a cute little one to travel with...like he did tonight and then he won't let me settle for the cheaper one that I do not love but will insist I get the one that made me smile..he loves to shop....I am so blessed..

Anyway back to food...I hade some chicken and vegetable...then F and I went shopping and had a date night.....

Talk to you later....hoping to go to yoga tomorrow...

Take Care...

Grant me the serenity to accept the things that I can not change

I am having to live this phrase right now...there are many things in my life that I can not change because they are things that involve other people and I have to accept that I can not make every one better and happy...I would if I could but it is just not possible.   What I eat and how I treat my body is something I can change, but how my body looks right now is not something that I can change and it is frustrating me to no end. Losing as much weight as I have lost so far leaves behind a body in transition, with lumps and bumps in places that I do not want them...some are caused by loose skin left behind and some are caused by body parts that seem to be resistant to letting go of its fat. 

I went shopping today and it was a like a punishing gaunlet of trying to feel good about myself and then looking in the mirror and seeing the flaws.  First...I have went from a Triple D breast size to a straight up D..I have always considered those to be my best assets and they are shrinking....ARGH...next lets talk about belly fat I have a waist but I have a pocket of stubborn belly fat above and loose skin and stubborn fat below...This makes finding a dress very hard.  I have tried Spanxs and other shapers but it does not make it look any better it... ARGH.  I know it is time for shorts but my thigh have some loose skin issues as well so the thought of wearing shorts is hard.  That leaves just the loose hanging skin on my upper arms, I refuse to wear long pants and long sleeves in the middle of summer so I am just living with it and wearing tanks anyway.  So there I have listed it all and while I will continue on my journey, these areas may get worse before they get better and it is quite possible that they may never get all better with out some plastic surgery, but I have got to accept that this is my body.  It is like it has been through a war...a war with obesity and these areas of my body have been on the front lines of a long hard fought battle.    They have been stretched and wounded but I am still fighting to get healthy.  I will love my body and all of its scars because they show me how far I have come. 

Breakfast was an Vitatop Muffin Cranberry Oat bran.  Lunch was cucumber and tomatoes salad, no dressing.   Dinner was some teriakyi chicken with vegetables with grapes for dessert. 

So there we are 3 days before I fly to Germany and I am hoping to have time every day to blog because I am hoping it will keep me sane food wise. 

Take care every one and thanks for giving me a place to find my serenity!!

Talk to you later.

Yoga and my hands

So I have been avoiding typing for the last couple of days because my hands broke out in a painful rash that is a type of eczema that is brought on by stress.  This has made typing and moving my hands quite painful.  I have a doctors appointment today, to get something to help.  So please forgive me. 

Eating has been on track though I can't recite for you what I have been eating.  I have been eating lots of fruits and vegetables. 

Since it is not contagious, I have been trying not to let it stop me from exercising.  I went to yoga last night help me with my stress.  The class was great and while I was there I was able to breathe through the pain and do the moves, but once I was home my hands were really hurting.  I ended up going to bed early last night in order to relax.

This time next week, I will be in Germany enjoying my first day of vacation.  I am stressing a .little bit about what I am going to eat while I am there, but I am trying very hard to realize that I am stronger than this challenge and I will be fine. 


I will try to type more after I see the doctor today....

Talk to you later....

I am frustrated at the food and agriculture industry

First things first, I stayed the same this week..I expected it with all the stress that has been in my life...so I will see how I do next week....

My car would not start when I got home...and it was late in the day before we were able to jump it and get it started.  After driving around for a while I went grocery shopping. got lots of fruits and veggies and then so stuff for C's camp lunches next week and other odds and ends.

This morning I was craving one of the avocados I bought yeasterday for 88 cents a piece and even though it had the right firmness when I cut it it open it was rotten inside...NOT HAPPY!!  Considering that fresh fruits and vegetables are expense in comparison to their over processed counterparts, it is frustrating that there is not better quality control.  Eating healthy should not be too expensive to do! 

Luckily I had bought more than one so I was able to enjoy one anyway...Lunch was a Kashi bar and some cherries.  I love cherries but they are probably one of the most expensive fruits out there these days. 

Dinner was Teriakyi Chicken and brown rice. 

My frustrations are things like...Why is buying a cereal that contains less sugar more expensive than the full sugar version?  F and C like Frosted Flakes...they have a reduced sugar version but it is almost a dollar more for a smaller box  Why???  

Why can't we label meats where the animals have been fed antibiotics like the europeans do?  That way we can make informed choices about what we eat?

Just some things to think about?

Take care..and talk to you later...

Things weighing me down this week..

I think the stress of my personal life is getting to me...I usually try to be a positive person, you know big girls have to smile right!!  But this week, between my brother R stressing me out and feeling a little run down and sick, I just do not have energy!! I wish I was home that way I could go to Yoga and find my center but sadly not a possibility and doing some moves in my hotel room is just not the same!!!

Breakfast was a Fat free No sugar added Wild Berry Oat bran muffin.  Lunch was my typical grilled veggies and salmon.  Dinner was some grilled veggies that I bought at lunch time for dinner and oatmeal...Sadly when I got to the hotel and went to pull the container out..it opened and I ended up with veggies all over...and then I saw lots of olive oil at the bottom and lost my appetite all together.

I am two weeks away from my vacation to Germany.  I am looking forward to getting away, but stressing about the food.. It is all so good in Germany!!  The bread alone is addictive!! I am just going to have to be reasonable and exercise..

Well I need to pack and get ready for my work/travel day tomorrow!!

Talk to you later..