I hate when I can not blog because I feel like blogging strengthens me, but this week my work took over my personal life. The affects were vry far reaching, like having to miss my yoga class on thursday as well as C not getting to go to dance class because I was testing a build that needed to go to production on friday and I was working steadily from 8 am to 1 am....that is a long day!! I had planned to take C to dance class, but just as w were supposed to leave we had an issue. C could tell I was struggling and said "Mom, it is ok I can miss dance class, I know you have to work" It broke my heart but I love that she cares about me. I try never to miss her activities, but really this was a particulary bad day. Friday was just as bad, but I still managed to take her to Soccer practice, though instead of me walking during practice, I was in the car working!! It was crazy. On top of all of that my car had the check engine light come on. I took it to the dealership and of course that is never a small bill. I am renting a car whil my car is in the shop. I took it in on Wednesday and and it Sunday morning and I am still driving a rental car!!! My car won't be done until next week!
So what I am most proud of this week, that with all of this stress and craziness, I did not try to deal with it by eating unhealthy food. I did not eat bag of potato chips or crave chocolate. I just dealt with it in the moment. I only lost 1/2 a pound this week, but I did not get to exercise and bot of these are part of the weight loss solution for me.
I won't get to do Yoga this sunday, because C is turning 9. OMG, the time has just flown by!!! She is having a spa party with 10 of bestest friends. It is going to be so much fun watching these young ladies get manicures, pedicures and yogurt facials!!
Wll it is really early in the morning and I have not really slept yet!!! So much to do so little time!!
Talk to you later. Take care!!!
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Plateau Shmateau...
That is right I am mocking the the plateau....I lost 2 1/2 pound this and bringing the total weight lost to 166.5 pounds. I thinking all my Sweating to the Oldies helped so I will definitely keep that is my LA regimen. I am going to continue the Green Coffee Extract as well, since I am not seeing any negative side effects.
While I am home, I am going to continue my Yoga classes and add the wlking during soccer practice.
I think now it is all about incresing the physical activity.
Well I am exhausted now!! I got in late last night and then had to deal with my bag being damaged and did not get home until well after 1:00am .... I could not sleep and then had to keep my energy up for 2 back to back soccer games. Poor C, she is getting frustrated out there which makes me worry. I do not want her to lose her passion for soccer. The physical exercise that she gets is important for her to keep in her life. I wish I had been as physically active as her.
Ok have a great Saturday!!! Talk to you later...
While I am home, I am going to continue my Yoga classes and add the wlking during soccer practice.
I think now it is all about incresing the physical activity.
Well I am exhausted now!! I got in late last night and then had to deal with my bag being damaged and did not get home until well after 1:00am .... I could not sleep and then had to keep my energy up for 2 back to back soccer games. Poor C, she is getting frustrated out there which makes me worry. I do not want her to lose her passion for soccer. The physical exercise that she gets is important for her to keep in her life. I wish I had been as physically active as her.
Ok have a great Saturday!!! Talk to you later...
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
I sweated and I mean sweated to the oldies and the newies!!!
I went to the Richard Simmons Aerobics class today with some girls from work and I am going share the total expereince with you. P and I arrived at the studio and the first thing you notice is the signs everywhere that cell phones and recording devices are not allowed in the studio. I filled out the new student paperwork and paid my $12 dollars to take the class. I, then, took my cell phone out to the car and went back to class. We were warming up and in walks Richard Simmons and goes around and kisses and greets each person in the room. When he got to me my co-workers tell him about me losing so much weight and he hugs me. Class begins and if you thought he was that sweet guys you see in the videos, you would be slightly shocked...because for as sweet as he is, he swears like a sailor and flirts outrageously with the guys in the class. If you are not trying he will call you out and make sure that you are trying. He told us about his new DVD that he is working on and how he got some songs and also wrote songs....he played one of the songs that he wrote. I was sweating about 5 minutes into the class. I was wearing my "hot pants" and literally at the end of the class my the top of my tennis shoes were saoking wet from sweat from my legs.
About half way through the class we formed a circle and in the wide open middle he went around and pulled people out of the crowd of 40 and they had to come to middle and perform the moves with Richard in the middle of the class. Yes!! Yours truly, the girl that just wrote how she does not feel comfortable being the center of attention, got called to the middle and there is no refusing!! I kept up with him and got a round of applause when my segment was over. He calls almost every guy in the class into the middle where he makes them take off their shirts. We then move into the cool down section of the workout. After the aeorbic part is over we had a 10 minute upper body toning session with weights. After the toming we had 10 minutes of mat work doing crunches, oblique crunches, and planks to work the core muscles.
After class is over we are invited to go get our cameras and come back and take pictures with him. Yes I got a couple of pictures and then he asked me how I lost the weight and as usual the first question was if I had the surgery. I told him that no I did it by changing my eating habits and exercising and his face changed as he told me that he expects to see my ass in his class every week. I explained I was only in town every other week and he said that if my ass was in town then I better be in his class!!! I was absolutely drenched in sweat from head to toe. My "Hot Pants" were literally soaked as were my underwear. I know TMI right?
Food today was a No Fat No Sugar added Peach Blue Corn Muffin, lunch was Grilled Veggies, Dinner was a weight watcher meal, an avocado, and a tomato. I made sure to hydrate myself and fell asleep!!
I did it...I went and overcame my anxiety!! Aerobics has never been my favorite, but I guess I may be going to the class every other week to sweat my ass off....
BTW if you have ever wanted to be in a Sweating to the Oldies video, they are having auditions this weekend at his studio in LA....
Take care and talk to you later.
About half way through the class we formed a circle and in the wide open middle he went around and pulled people out of the crowd of 40 and they had to come to middle and perform the moves with Richard in the middle of the class. Yes!! Yours truly, the girl that just wrote how she does not feel comfortable being the center of attention, got called to the middle and there is no refusing!! I kept up with him and got a round of applause when my segment was over. He calls almost every guy in the class into the middle where he makes them take off their shirts. We then move into the cool down section of the workout. After the aeorbic part is over we had a 10 minute upper body toning session with weights. After the toming we had 10 minutes of mat work doing crunches, oblique crunches, and planks to work the core muscles.
After class is over we are invited to go get our cameras and come back and take pictures with him. Yes I got a couple of pictures and then he asked me how I lost the weight and as usual the first question was if I had the surgery. I told him that no I did it by changing my eating habits and exercising and his face changed as he told me that he expects to see my ass in his class every week. I explained I was only in town every other week and he said that if my ass was in town then I better be in his class!!! I was absolutely drenched in sweat from head to toe. My "Hot Pants" were literally soaked as were my underwear. I know TMI right?
Food today was a No Fat No Sugar added Peach Blue Corn Muffin, lunch was Grilled Veggies, Dinner was a weight watcher meal, an avocado, and a tomato. I made sure to hydrate myself and fell asleep!!
I did it...I went and overcame my anxiety!! Aerobics has never been my favorite, but I guess I may be going to the class every other week to sweat my ass off....
BTW if you have ever wanted to be in a Sweating to the Oldies video, they are having auditions this weekend at his studio in LA....
Take care and talk to you later.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
This is a hard blog to write....
I want to start this blog with a disclaimer:
I do not advocate any form of self-diagnosis. Diagnosis of medical or psychological disorders should be done by a professional.
I am not the type of person that bursts into tears at the drop of a hat. In fact, I am the type of person that holds any of the negative emotions inside and hides that part of myself from others. This may be because when I was growing up "the fat girl" I found that if I cried at school when others would tease, harass, and humilate me, that my crying would only make it worse and lead to more teasing, harassment, and humiliation from my torturers. I learned to laugh and hide those negative feelings in public and then wait until I got home in the privacy of my room and then I would cry into my pillow so no one would see my pain. I would try to avoid the pain and humiliation by pretending to be sick. I would then build myself up so that I could face the humiliation the next day. I never went to school dances or parties, not that I was ever invited, but even those things that you did not need to be invited to, I just did not go...I was very much a major homebody. I had a couple of good friends and they would eventually convince me to go to the movies or over to thier house to hang out, but in general I felt like they were happy not to have the fat girl at thier party. Most of my coping mechanisms involved using my intelligence to help those who would tease and humilate me with their homework in hopes that this would lead to them not trying to hurt me. It worked for the time that they "needed" me but as soon as it was done, it was inevitable that they would turn on me when they no longer needed my help and the humiliation would begin again. I craved back then to be invited, but I knew it would not happen. Please do not get me wrong, I did have some good friends and they know who they are!!
Once I reached adult hood and my weight was not the issue that it once was in relation to my relationships, I still avoided those social situations like work parties, because I still felt uncomfortable in my own skin. It is amazing that even as an adult, that when I hear people whispering and laughing that my mind still goes to "they are talking about how fat I am and how I look". I was blessed enough to find a guy who loved me for me and did not judge me based on my weight....I would not be where I am today without his love and support and I do have great friends that are my support system now as I take this journey. I still suffer that anxiety though, everytime he says, we sould go dancing at a club (yes I love to dance in my living room) my heart starts racing and the anxiety begins that somehow I am going to walk into the club and start dancing and the other patrons will begin to say things like "Did you feel that earthquake? That was not an earthquake just the fat girl dancing". So I put off going...I felt the same way the first time I went to Yoga..the anxiety I felt on the drive to the studio the first time was almost overwhelming. Luckily I chose a small studio and the first couple of classes had very small groups. So I was able to overcome the anxiety, but there are still times that when I look in the mirrors at yoga I see so many of my body's flaws and look at the other people in class and think, "god, they have to be wondering why the fat person is here..."
So that brings me to yesterday and moment that I broke into tears in A's office. I went in to talk about some big projects at work and after the discussion was over we were just talking and she asked me if I was going to therapy.....now let me explain A lost a lot of weight due to illness. She went on to tell a story about her shopping experience this weekend and seeing a top that she liked that was only available in a medium and her thought process when the sales clerk came up and said "we have more sizes in the back and how she jumped to the conclusion that they were implying that she was too big to fit in a medium and that she was getting fat again, when in fact they thought that she needed a small or x-small. She asked if I ever had these types of feeling and so began the tear works. Yes I feel this way all the time...I walk into one of the "regular" stores and I am so afraid that they are going to take one look at me and say that I do not belong there. I do not see myself as thin at all...I see the flaws like the excess hanging skin on my arms and stomach. We began to talk about Body Dysmorphic Disorder and whether we could have it and benefit from some therapy. So that led to me writing this blog trying to sort out all my feelings and issues..
I also realized that I never blogged about my weigh in....I lost 1 1/2 pounds so I am at 163 pounds so far.
Food intake has been typical and I loved my yoga class on sunday...Speaking of exercise, I am going to a Richard Simmons class tonight if I can find the strength inside to put on workout clothes and go with my co-workers...
Well time to get ready for work!!!
Talk to you later.
I do not advocate any form of self-diagnosis. Diagnosis of medical or psychological disorders should be done by a professional.
I am not the type of person that bursts into tears at the drop of a hat. In fact, I am the type of person that holds any of the negative emotions inside and hides that part of myself from others. This may be because when I was growing up "the fat girl" I found that if I cried at school when others would tease, harass, and humilate me, that my crying would only make it worse and lead to more teasing, harassment, and humiliation from my torturers. I learned to laugh and hide those negative feelings in public and then wait until I got home in the privacy of my room and then I would cry into my pillow so no one would see my pain. I would try to avoid the pain and humiliation by pretending to be sick. I would then build myself up so that I could face the humiliation the next day. I never went to school dances or parties, not that I was ever invited, but even those things that you did not need to be invited to, I just did not go...I was very much a major homebody. I had a couple of good friends and they would eventually convince me to go to the movies or over to thier house to hang out, but in general I felt like they were happy not to have the fat girl at thier party. Most of my coping mechanisms involved using my intelligence to help those who would tease and humilate me with their homework in hopes that this would lead to them not trying to hurt me. It worked for the time that they "needed" me but as soon as it was done, it was inevitable that they would turn on me when they no longer needed my help and the humiliation would begin again. I craved back then to be invited, but I knew it would not happen. Please do not get me wrong, I did have some good friends and they know who they are!!
Once I reached adult hood and my weight was not the issue that it once was in relation to my relationships, I still avoided those social situations like work parties, because I still felt uncomfortable in my own skin. It is amazing that even as an adult, that when I hear people whispering and laughing that my mind still goes to "they are talking about how fat I am and how I look". I was blessed enough to find a guy who loved me for me and did not judge me based on my weight....I would not be where I am today without his love and support and I do have great friends that are my support system now as I take this journey. I still suffer that anxiety though, everytime he says, we sould go dancing at a club (yes I love to dance in my living room) my heart starts racing and the anxiety begins that somehow I am going to walk into the club and start dancing and the other patrons will begin to say things like "Did you feel that earthquake? That was not an earthquake just the fat girl dancing". So I put off going...I felt the same way the first time I went to Yoga..the anxiety I felt on the drive to the studio the first time was almost overwhelming. Luckily I chose a small studio and the first couple of classes had very small groups. So I was able to overcome the anxiety, but there are still times that when I look in the mirrors at yoga I see so many of my body's flaws and look at the other people in class and think, "god, they have to be wondering why the fat person is here..."
So that brings me to yesterday and moment that I broke into tears in A's office. I went in to talk about some big projects at work and after the discussion was over we were just talking and she asked me if I was going to therapy.....now let me explain A lost a lot of weight due to illness. She went on to tell a story about her shopping experience this weekend and seeing a top that she liked that was only available in a medium and her thought process when the sales clerk came up and said "we have more sizes in the back and how she jumped to the conclusion that they were implying that she was too big to fit in a medium and that she was getting fat again, when in fact they thought that she needed a small or x-small. She asked if I ever had these types of feeling and so began the tear works. Yes I feel this way all the time...I walk into one of the "regular" stores and I am so afraid that they are going to take one look at me and say that I do not belong there. I do not see myself as thin at all...I see the flaws like the excess hanging skin on my arms and stomach. We began to talk about Body Dysmorphic Disorder and whether we could have it and benefit from some therapy. So that led to me writing this blog trying to sort out all my feelings and issues..
I also realized that I never blogged about my weigh in....I lost 1 1/2 pounds so I am at 163 pounds so far.
Food intake has been typical and I loved my yoga class on sunday...Speaking of exercise, I am going to a Richard Simmons class tonight if I can find the strength inside to put on workout clothes and go with my co-workers...
Well time to get ready for work!!!
Talk to you later.
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