Earlier today I was really down on myself and feeling really unpretty!! So I have shared before that I have alot of loose skin from the 150+ pounds that I have lost. Even with clothes on it is noticeable. I was expecting it and tried to prepare myself but when looking in the mirror and seeing the sagging loose skin is very hard to stomach. Most of it is located in the my upper and lower abdomen, though my thighs and arms have some too...I was handling it, I keep telling myself that after I lose another 80 pounds I will go see a plastics guy and start making the plans for removal and until then I can cover it and hide the worse of it. Then, I realized the other night that I have a little bit of loose skin on my face. I freaked, it is not terribly noticeable right now, but I keep worrying that it will be. I do not like looking at my body in the mirror at all...I do not feel like I am getting a fabulous body from all my hard work.. I wanted to do all this hard work and get the reward of this fabulous body, but instead I am doing this hard work and instead of beauty I am getting strength...and then I thought about that...
Strength instead of beauty...is that really the worse thing that can happen??? I mean would it have been better if I lost the weight and looked fabulous, no loose skin or flaws left from the years of abuse that I heaped upon my body, but instead I did not get the strength that I am getting from pushing my body to do more than it has ever done. I could have found the way to lose the weight that did not result in me totally changing my relationship with food and been back to eating horribly after I lost the weight and learned nothing.
Instead I have gained the inner strength that comes from knowing that I did this purely through hard work and Exercise. I have learned that my relationship with food was very unhealthy and changed how I view food...It is not a comfort item, but instead is the fuel that I use to do the activties that I enjoy. I have learned that I can take a body that was so out of shape that walking up a flight of stairs caused me to be out of breath and changed it into a body that do yoga and enjoy every second of it. I am can alk all over the place and not feel tired and grumpy. I have changed my innerself and that part of my body is strong and beautiful....so okay the outer portion in not sexy and gorgeous right now, but there are ways to fix that and when I am ready I will find a way to have it done and in the mean time I will continue to strengthen that inner part...
I have a new position that I am struggling with in my Yoga class, it is the Side Plank...ARGH...I am going to get this move I swear I will....
Breakfast was a Kashi Bar....Lunch was cucumbers and tomatoes and a Kashi Bar. Dinner was chicken and vegetables.
Talk to you later!!! Take care...
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