Things weighing me down this week..

I think the stress of my personal life is getting to me...I usually try to be a positive person, you know big girls have to smile right!!  But this week, between my brother R stressing me out and feeling a little run down and sick, I just do not have energy!! I wish I was home that way I could go to Yoga and find my center but sadly not a possibility and doing some moves in my hotel room is just not the same!!!

Breakfast was a Fat free No sugar added Wild Berry Oat bran muffin.  Lunch was my typical grilled veggies and salmon.  Dinner was some grilled veggies that I bought at lunch time for dinner and oatmeal...Sadly when I got to the hotel and went to pull the container out..it opened and I ended up with veggies all over...and then I saw lots of olive oil at the bottom and lost my appetite all together.

I am two weeks away from my vacation to Germany.  I am looking forward to getting away, but stressing about the food.. It is all so good in Germany!!  The bread alone is addictive!! I am just going to have to be reasonable and exercise..

Well I need to pack and get ready for my work/travel day tomorrow!!

Talk to you later..

I hate video cameras!!!!

Last weekend was a busy fun filled weekend with C and F.   C's dance recital was on Sunday so the whole day was spent there.  C was cover girl this year which meant that she got a solo, picture slide show, and a Tiara...I was watching the slide show and tearing up when JLcame from back stage and said that JP ( the dance teacher)  wanted me back stage to present C with her flowers when she got her crown....So like a good dance mom, I ran backstage and watched the solo from the wings.  When it came time to give C her flowers I had to go out on stage in front of all those people.  My wonderful husband F decided that her should tape this wonderful moment and take pictures.  If I was feeling at all good about my body, seeing on video was enough to make me sick.  I could see all the flaws and thought that I looked horrible.  Thankfully I have great friends that tell me I look great and that I am seeing myself through jaded eyes. 

Yesterday was a flying day, so I ended up staying up all night and then sleeping on the plane.  Waking up about 20 minutes prior to landing to eat my Kashi Bar.  I got Salmon and Grilled veggies for lunch and had oatmeal for dinner. 

Today was another busy day,  I had a blueberry and pear low fat no sugar added scone for breakfast.  Lunch was Salmon and Veggies again.  Dinner was more grilled veggies and a Kashi bar. 

Germany is about 2 weeks away and I still do not feel great about my body!! Oh Well....I look better than I did a year and half ago so I am just going to go rock it out and be myself..

I am watching TV now and doign yoga in my room.  I miss my yoga studio when I am away. 

Talk to you later.  Take Care

Oh by the way, I have a friend P, who is inspiring me!!  She has been doing boot camp and while she is struggling she keeps going back and trying even harder.  She is the most supportive person and I love our interactions on facebook. 

Well that is it...I really am going now!!! Bye guys!!

Weigh in day---What a busy day and weekend

I got up this morning and weighed in...I lost another 2.5 pounds bringing the total to 135 pounds.   After that, I ran home and picked up C to take her to soccer practice and grabbed a Kashi bar to have on the way.  Sadly it was the same time as my yoga class, so I had to skip yoga but I got to watch C have a really good time out there playing the game she loves.  It was totally worth it!!  I got home from soccer practice after 1:00 pm.  I had a avocado for lunch.  I relaxed for a little bit before making sure all of the costumes accessories, shoes, and makeup was packed and ready for the recital tomorrow.  Around 4:00, I went grocery shopping because there is no way I can go tomorrow and I needed to pick up stuff for F and C for next week. 

Since we are going to the recital tomorrow and we will be having dinner with J's family from dance after the recital, C and I decided that Daddy would get to choose a restaurant to for his "Father's Day" dinner tonight.  He chose a local Mediterrean restaurant.  He had lamb 3 ways, C had chicken tenders and fries, and I had a salad.

We came home and F and C played against each other in Wii while I cleaned the kitchen and got his gift together.  C gave himm his gift and then we played a Family Wii game. 

Tomorrow is a really busy day.  C and I have to leave the house around 9:30 am and then F will meet us there much later. The recital starts at 3:00pm followed by the dinner out with friends.  Once home, I am going to have to pack and get ready for LA next week.  I have to remember to grab a Kashi bar to have for lunch.  Luckily J and D from dance are bringing snacks and drinks for the kids and worse comes to worse I can make a run to McDonalds for C. 

Well time to hang with the very wonderful husband and Daddy in world....
Talk to you later and have a great day tomorrow!!

He was not there today...what a disappointment

SO I was all psyched as I sat in the examining room waitng for the resident to come in and when she did she did a double take at the door and said "Mrs.  W........ is that you?!!!"  I confirmed it was indeed me as she quickly logged into the computer to see my latest weight.  She said "Wow"  I used that moment to say., "Well I did tell you last time I was here that I was actively making a lifestyle change, but you and  Dr. A...totally discounted my words as he lectured me about "people like me"  needed....Speaking of which is he here today because I really want to talk to him?"  She said, "Well we hear that from lots of patients and when they come back we don't see the change, but you are obviously the exception.  No Dr. A is not here today sorry."  We talked about the asthma for a little bit and she said that I seemed to be doing much better.  When she went to get the Attending working today, she said, "Be prepared, he is probably going to ask you how you lost the weight because he has been trying to lose weight himself." 

When the Dr. came in he made small talk and then did ask what I was eating and doing to lose the weight.  I told him I would share with him, if he promised to give a message to his colleague.....and here is where I became a little mean...."Can you tell him that you saw me and that I looked so good and that I wanted him to know that he is the worse kind of physician because he does not listen to his patients and thinks he can motivate by demoralizing them.  Please tell him that on behalf of "people like me",  I said that he should "Listen to his patients or get the fuck out of direct patient care".  The residents mouth fell open and the Dr. looked at me like I had grown another head, but I calmly turned and told him how I choose the food that I eat and the things that I avoid eating. He tried to recover after I had finished and we talked about decreasing some of my asthma medications.  As the appointment was ending, he asked what his colleague had said to me to get me so angry.  I relayed the story and then he looked at the Resident as if to ask, "is this true?"  and she simply nodded her head.   I stood up and walked out the door, saying "See you 4 months...make sure you give him my message!!!"

And that my dears was my wonderful MD appointment.  I so wish he would have been there, but hopefully he gets my message loud and clear!!!

Talk to you later!!! Take care!!!

I am NOT a dance mom.....and looking forward to tomorrow!!

My life this week can be described in one word, "CRAZY"!!!!  Monday started off really nicely. C had soccer camp this week, so I dropped her off and F picked her up and brought her home.  We had dinner and chilled out.  I went my monday night Yoga class with G and then F and I went out for our date night.  We got home around 1:00 am and F was off to bed while I tried to wind down.  At 3:00 am, the world got turned around when C came into the Living room saying her tummy and throat hurt.   I took her temperature and it was 103.7  CRAP!!!! No soccer camp on Tuesday!!  Instead I got no sleep watching over C since she has been known to have febrile seizures.  Not long after the Tyelnol was on board, C started throwing up, which is typical of her when she has a fever.  Great!!  I called the Peditrician first thing in the morning to get an appointment and worked while C slept in the recliner.  The strep test was negative, so the MD gave me an RX for Zofran to help with the vomitng and an RX for an antibiotic in case the fever did not go away and I noticed pus on her tonsils.  Once the Zofran was working she was able to keep liquids down was able to keep the tyelnol and motrin down.  Eating was squeezed in in between being a nurse to my little angel.

Yesterday, she woke up again at 3:00 am and the fever was back but not as bad.  This meant more tyelnol and motrin.  Luckily, the fever broke during the day, so we were able to go to the mandatory stage rehearsal for her dance recital on Sunday. 

I had a Kashi bar for breakfast that day and oatmeal for lunch.  I had to leave for stage rehearsal at aroun 4:30 which meant no dinner before I left because it was just too early for me.  I got there and C was doing fine.  This brings me to my Dance Mom discussion.  For those who have never seen the show it is basically a bunch of crazy moms and a dance teacher that seems to enjoy torturing the little girls that dance for her.   The dance teacher yells, screams, and in this weeks episode throws chairs, while the mothers back stab, whine, complain, and yell right back at the teacher.  Meanwhile the poor children are stuck in the middle of all this craziness, just trying to dance and have fun.  I know I should not watch this show, but darn it, it really is a guilty pleasure.   I pride myself on NOT being that kind of mom. I think that any child that gets up on that stage is fabulous!  I love watching them show thier talents and skills.  The part I do not love is watching even our mom's act and say not so nice things not only about each other, the dance teacher, and even the children.  It is really, really, annoying and leads to me looking forward to getting out of the building. Luckily I have J and group of Moms like us that all kind of hang together.  Some having wine to make it through the 3 to 4 hours of stage rehearsal.   C has a solo this year because she is the cover girl for the recital.  The Moms I hang with all said that she did such a nice job.  But I heard one mom make a comment that the choreography was really easy, and if her child was cover girl it would be better..I just ignored her but I wanted to smack her!!!   In addition, one parent was yelling at the teacher, while others were whining about the program.  In all, the children were much better behaved then the moms and that is sad....When did this type of behavior become the norm?!! We left rehearsal around 9:30,  when I got home and had a light dinner of chicken and veggies. I proceeded to pass out on the couch!!!  Totally Exhausted from lack of sleep and lack on yoga and crazy work and worrying about C and F. 

This morning, the sun rose and C felt great again.  No antibiotics needed.  She went to Soccer camp this morning.  F went to work.  I had Oatmeal for breakfast and a Kashi bar for lunch!  I was able to work in peace and quiet until 3:00 pm when the thunderstorms rolled in, so C had to be picked up and F could not leave at that moment, so I had to drive back out to camp.  I finished my work up with C watching Disney.  I made F and C dinner. It was pouring and storming out, so I was not lookng forward to driving to Yoga and thought ok I will just skip tonight since it is not one of my favorite teachers.  Then I read P's facebook post about going to Boot Camp and it hit me the face. No Excuses, rain or shine your body needs this time.  Thanks P I needed the motivation.  Yoga was hard because it was just me, the instructor and the the instructor's wife, so I was strugling with poses I am sure they are much more used to doing, like penguin.  My hips and thighs were begging for mercy!!  In the end, I felt so good that I had gone and given my body what it needed!!!  I came home and had some low fat teriakyi chicken, so yummy. 

I am ssssoooooo looking forward to tomorrow.  I am going to the pulmonologist!!!!  I am so hoping I get to see the jerk tomorrow, but just the thrill of standing on that scale knowing that I have proven him wrong, will be enough for me!!!  My appointment is at 3:00 pm, so expect an early blog!!  I have been practicing in my head exactly what I am going to say and how I am going to phrase things. 

Well I am sure you are tired of reading and I am want to actually spend time with F since I have seen so little of him over the last 2 days. 

Take care and talk to you tomorrow!!!

Sometimes it is the little things

Yesterday's blog was a hard one for me that came with lots of emotional baggage.   To expose my starting weight for me was like those dreams you used to have where you show up for school and realize you are naked.  The humiliation that comes from a number is amazing.  I am such a Type A person and usually in control of everything around me and to admit in black and white that I was so totally out of control with my eating was a reflection that no matter what kind of face I was putting on my life that I was not in control for many years.  Instead of expressing my anger, sadness, or stress, I was eating it into submission.  So the question, I must face today is how am I dealing differently with those same emotions that I used to eat away and for me right now I think Yoga is my saving grace.  Those classes allow me to let go of those emotions on the yoga mat.  I can see yoga becoming something that I need to do for the rest of my life.  

I was sitting in a chair today and crossed my legs, and I realized that I was able to cross my legs properly.  It hit me that for years I have not crossed my legs, because it was not comfortable.  They did not fit together right, but today they fit.  It was this ability that gave me that sense of feminitity back.  It is very hard when you are looking like an NFL Defensive tackle in a dress sitting with your legs slightly apart to feel very feminine.  It is the little things that make a difference. 

I have a busy week ahead of me, between work and the final preparations for C's dance recital. Thankfully fellow dance mom J is helping me to stay sane. 

So food today consisted of an Avacado for breakfast, Kashi bar for lunch, and low fat sweet and sour chicken for dinner.  I resisted the chips and Salsa at the Dance party today.  All in All a pretty good day.

Take Care and talk to you later!!!

So much to share-Weigh in

Today was weigh in day and marked my 7th month on this weight loss journey.  As some of you remember I made a goal a few weeks into my weight loss journey to lose 130 pounds in a year, because a woman on Nightline was featured for a radical new weight loss surgery where they removed 80% of her stomach.  She lost 130 pounds in one year.  Well consider that goal not only met but majorly exceeded because I lost 5.5 pounds bringing my weight loss total to 132.5 pounds in SEVEN months...that is 5 months before my goal. 

So the next part of this is the hard part to write because it means writing in black and white for the world to see how much I weighed when I started and the thought of writing that number makes me feel ashamed, because it shows how totally out of control I was before I made this decision.  Well here is goes.....I am finally in the 200's!!!  295 pounds to be exact, so for those who can do math you already know my starting weight but I have to write it and face the number in my blog and own it, because I am determined never be there ever again.  So yes that means that when I started I weighed 427.5 pounds.  It is no wonder that I had issues walking around and going up and down stairs.  I was truly out of control. 

I am also at the point that I am passed the halfway point in the amount of weight I wanted to lose. This is huge for me in this marathon. 

I have an appointment with my pulmonologist this friday and I am looking forward to going and feel like confronting the jerk Dr. that talked about "people like me".  I am planning on asking to see him if he is in the office, so I can confront him and let him see the truth about "people like me"!!! 

Time to hang with the family and enjoy some down time....

Talk to you later.