So much to be thankful for...

I really truly have so much to be thankful for this year.  F and I have good jobs and are weathering the financial downturn.  C is a healthy, happy, beautiful, athletic, and intelligent girl who is growing up so fast it scares me.  I am most thankful that she is healthy though, I pray for anyone that today is stuggling with a sick child.  I know that C getting very sick is my worst nightmare.  I am thankful for F, he keeps me sane and loves me for me and that seems so rare these days.  I am thankful for my friends near and far. I miss my friends in Virginia and Michigan a lot, but they are still in my heart.  They support me and lift me up when I am down on myself.  So thank you M, K, C, L, P, S, H and  ok I would have to list almost the whole alphabet twice to cover every one....You now who you and that I MISS YOU!!!! I am thankful that I have such a great extended family including my brother, my father, my wonderful in-laws, my nieces and nephews including the one that is one the way, all of my uncles and aunts and cousins, and my two beautiful grandmothers. I wish we lived closer to each other so we could see each other more often, but whether near or far you are in my heart and my life would not be the same with out you!!!

Most of all, I am thankful that I come into this Thanksgiving a healthier me.  A year ago I was so far from healthy that it is scary.  I was still over 400 pounds and life was a struggle.  This year I am 174 pounds lighter and have a new attitude!  I am thankful for yoga and the change that brought to my life both inside and out. So thank you Namaste Yoga, I owe you my life, you and your instructors help me every day to achieve new goals and find my center!!   I am thankful that I am healthy enough to train for a 5K mud run!!! 

This holiday used to be about eating until my stomach was so full it hurt and then waiting an hour and eating more.  Now this holiday is about looking around my world and realizing that food is about fueling my body not about filling a hole in my soul!!  I will have some turkey and some side dishes, but I will be feeding my body and then I plan on taking a run/power walk. 

I am thankful for this blog and everyone that reads it.  This blog have given me a forum to express those feelings that tore at my soul and led to bad habits.  Your comments mean so much to me.  I pray that maybe some one who is as overweight as I was reads this blog and realizes that if Crystal Can Do It, then so can they!!  It is possible! You can do it too.  I am not a super woman, just a motivated one. 

So Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends and family!!

Take care and talk to you later!!!

Just the stats Maam...

I feel the need to share the non scale stats that show my accomplishments in losing weight over the last year....I started out a Size 28 almost sizing out of the Plus Size store....Now I am a Size 16 on the bottom and a size 10/12 on the top.  I was a 48DDD, I am now a 38 C/D depending on the bra.  I used to be able to only shop at plus size stores like Lane Bryant.  Now I can shop basically anywhere.  I put on a size L dress at Express today and was rocking it...

I used to get exhausted walking up the stairs or  the around the block.  My feet would hurt after walking short distances no matter what shoes I wore.  I can now tackle the mall in a pair of high heeled boots and feel confident doing it.  I have picked a 5K to run and am excited and nervous about doing it.

I have about 50 pounds left to lose but right now I am looking at it as the last 10 miles of a marathon. I just have to keep preservering.  I want to cross the finish line....but really the finish line in this race is just the beginning. 

Talk to you later....take care!!!

The rumor around the neighborhood is that my husband is having an affair

The rumor around the neighborhood is that my husband is having an affair.  I found this out today from my across the street neighbor.   I was outside when my neighbor across the street drove by and being friendly I waved at her.  A couple of minutes later, she came across the street and asked if that was me.  She said I did not even look like myself anymore.  I laughed and thanked her for the compliment and that is when she broke the news about the affair.  She said that a couple of weeks ago they saw me out and she told her husband, "I think that F's wife has lost alot of weight" His response, "no way is that her, I think that is a new woman in his life that is staying with him.  I have not seen his wife in awhile."  LOL I am sure that rumor spread like wildfire, so I am sure some people in the neighborhood think that my husband dumped me and found this hot chic to take my place....Too funny....

I had a Kashi bar for breakfast and Fiber one bar for lunch with a tomato and avocado for lunch and dinner was chicken and veggies...same old life.

So if you see my husband out with this hot chic do not assume he is having an affair come up and say hi and you will see that while the outside is actively changing the sweet person inside is still  me...

Take care adn talk to you later.

Should I be happier because I am thinner?

Someone asked me if I was happier now that I am thinner??  I pondered this question long after it was asked...sure I am more comfortable in my own skin, more confident, and feeling sexier overall, but am I happier?  Should my happiness be tied to my weight?  I would like to think that I was always a happy person in general, but I have to admit maybe I was not.  Sure I put in the happy mask, afraid to show that I was unhappy, but now I do not need that mask because I am generally happy. 

I had a good food day.  I had a cranberry oat bran Vitatop muffin for breakfast.  Lunch was a grapes, a tomato, and another muffin.  Yes those muffins are really good!!  Dinner was chicken and veggies. 

I went to a yoga class today and I love how strong I feel and how much my yoga experience has changed since I started.  When I started I could not get in a Half bow and now I can do a full bow. I can flow from pose to pose easier as well.  I love feeling like my body is strong.  I really wish I had a training partner/teammate for my planned Dirty Girl 5K...I can do this though whether it is by myself or if I find a partner.  I have a couple more people to ask so we will see how it goes. 

I am so glad that I found the time to blog tonight/early morning.  I am serious about recomitting myself to my blog.  I miss it when I can not do it.  Besides the holidays are coming and I want to have an outlet for my holiday stress that does not involve sugar and fat.

Talk to you later...and take care.

Time to catch up...I was banned from the biggest loser contest

So life has been so crazy between work and Mommy duties that blogging has not been possible.  I am not letting that happen anymore my blog is too important.   I just spent a week on site at my job at another go-live with food being provided but I made it through it.  Since the last time I blogged, I have lost another 8 pounds and my total is now 174 pounds lost.  It has been a year since I started this journey to the new me and every day I am amazed by how much I have changed from the person I used to be a year ago.  I now walk with confidence and pride.  I can walk anywhere with out feeling tired or wiped out.  I no longer have to see my pulmonologist, because while I still have asthma but with the weight gone I can management it much better. 

Some people I know are doing a Biggest Loser contest each chipping in 25 dollars and then whoever loses the largest percentage of of weight loss wins the money.  They told me about the contest, but said I was not allowed to participate because "you would so win"...LOL  I told them then I get to be Gillian Michaels. 

I have started wearing makeup again!!  For the longest time, I did not feel beautiful, so I felt ike makeup was wasted on me.  Not anymore!!  I make a point of making sure that I look my best whether it is hanging at home or going out.  

I have picked my 5K.....I am planning on running the "Dirty Girl".   It is a Mud run with obstacles, not sure it is the best choice but it sounds like fun and I thought that if I am going to run and sweat, I might as well get muddy too.....

Food today was good.  I had a Vitatop Muffin, a tomoato and grapes for breakfast.  Lunch was an avocado and Kashi Bar.  I had teriakyi chicken for dinner. 

Ok I promise I will blog more tomorrow. 

Talk to you later.

Sorry my work life took over my personal life this week...

I hate when I can not blog because I feel like blogging strengthens me, but this week my work took over my personal life.  The affects were vry far reaching, like having to miss my yoga class on thursday as well as C not getting to go to dance class because I was testing a build that needed to go to production on friday and I was working steadily from 8 am to 1 am....that is a long day!!  I had planned to take C to dance class, but just as w were supposed to leave we had an issue.  C could tell I was struggling and said "Mom, it is ok I can miss dance class, I know you have to work"  It broke my heart but I love that she cares about me.   I try never to miss her activities, but really this was a particulary bad day.  Friday was just as bad, but I still managed to take her to Soccer practice, though instead of me walking during practice, I was in the car working!!  It was crazy.  On top of all of that my car had the check engine light come on.  I took it to the dealership and of course that is never a small bill.  I am renting a car whil my car is in the shop.  I took it in on Wednesday and and it Sunday morning and I am still driving a rental car!!!  My car won't be done until next week! 

So what I am most proud of this week, that with all of this stress and craziness, I did not try to deal with it by eating unhealthy food.  I did not eat bag of potato chips or crave chocolate.  I just dealt with it in the moment.  I only lost 1/2 a pound this week, but I did not get to exercise and bot of these are part of the weight loss solution for me. 

I won't get to do Yoga this sunday, because C is turning 9.  OMG, the time has just flown by!!! She is having a spa party with 10 of bestest friends.  It is going to be so much fun watching these young ladies get manicures, pedicures and yogurt facials!! 

Wll it is really early in the morning and I have not really slept yet!!!  So much to do so little time!!

Talk to you later.  Take care!!!

Plateau Shmateau...

That is right I am mocking the the plateau....I lost 2 1/2 pound this and bringing the total weight lost to 166.5  pounds.  I thinking all my Sweating to the Oldies helped so I will definitely keep that is my LA regimen.  I am going to continue the Green Coffee Extract as well, since I am not seeing any negative side effects.

While I am home, I am going to continue my Yoga classes and add the wlking during soccer practice. 

I think now it is all about incresing the physical activity. 

Well I am exhausted now!! I got in late last night and then had to deal with my bag being damaged and did not get home until well after 1:00am ....  I could not sleep and then had to keep my energy up for 2 back to back soccer games.  Poor C, she is getting frustrated out there which makes me worry. I do not want her to lose her passion for soccer.  The physical exercise that she gets is important for her to keep in her life.  I wish I had been as physically active as her.

Ok have a great Saturday!!!  Talk to you later...

I sweated and I mean sweated to the oldies and the newies!!!

I went to the Richard Simmons Aerobics class today with some girls from work and I am going share the total expereince with you.  P and I arrived at the studio and the first thing you notice is the signs everywhere that cell phones and recording devices are not allowed in the studio.  I filled out the new student paperwork and paid my $12 dollars to take the class.  I, then, took my cell phone out to the car and went back to class.  We were warming up and in walks  Richard Simmons and goes around and kisses and greets each person in the room.  When he got to me my co-workers tell him about me losing so much weight and he hugs me.   Class begins and if you thought he was that sweet guys you see in the videos, you would be slightly shocked...because for as sweet as he is, he swears like a sailor and flirts outrageously with the guys in the class.  If you are not trying he will call you out and make sure that you are trying.  He told us about his new DVD that he is working on and how he got some songs and also wrote songs....he played one of the songs that he wrote.  I was sweating about 5 minutes into the class.  I was wearing my "hot pants"  and literally at the end of the class my the top of my tennis shoes were saoking wet from sweat from my legs. 

About half way through the class we formed a circle and in the wide open middle he went around and pulled people out of the crowd of 40 and they had to come to middle and perform the moves with Richard in the middle of the class.  Yes!!  Yours truly, the girl that just wrote how she does not feel comfortable being the center of attention, got called to the middle and there is no refusing!!  I kept up with him and got a round of applause when my segment was over.  He calls almost every guy in the class into the middle where he makes them take off their shirts.   We then move into the cool down section of the workout.  After the aeorbic part is over we had a 10 minute upper body toning session with weights.  After the toming we had 10 minutes of mat work doing crunches, oblique crunches, and planks to work the core muscles. 

After class is over we are invited to go get our cameras and come back and take pictures with him.  Yes I got a couple of pictures and then he asked me how I lost the weight and as usual the first question was if I had the surgery.  I told him that no I did it by changing my eating habits and exercising and his face changed as he told me that he expects to see my ass in his class every week.  I explained I was only in town every other week and he said that if my ass was in town then I better be in his class!!!  I was absolutely drenched in sweat from head to toe.  My "Hot Pants" were literally soaked as were my underwear.  I know TMI right? 

Food today was a No Fat No Sugar added Peach Blue Corn Muffin, lunch was Grilled Veggies, Dinner was a weight watcher meal, an avocado, and a tomato.  I made sure to hydrate myself and fell asleep!!

I did it...I went and overcame my anxiety!!  Aerobics has never been my favorite, but I guess I may be going to the class every other week to sweat my ass off....

BTW if you have ever wanted to be in a Sweating to the Oldies video, they are having auditions this weekend at his studio in LA....

Take care and talk to you later. 

This is a hard blog to write....

I want to start this blog with a disclaimer:
I  do not advocate any form of self-diagnosis.  Diagnosis of medical or psychological disorders should be done by a professional.

I am not the type of person that bursts into tears at the drop of a hat.  In fact, I am the type of person that holds any of the negative emotions inside and hides that part of myself from others.  This may be because when I was growing up "the fat girl"  I found that if I cried at school when others would tease, harass, and humilate me, that my crying would only make it worse and lead to more teasing, harassment, and humiliation from my torturers.  I learned to laugh and hide those negative feelings in public and then wait until I got home in the privacy of my room and then I would cry into my pillow so no one would see my pain.  I would try to avoid the pain and humiliation by pretending to be sick.  I would then build myself up so that I could face the humiliation the next day.   I never went to school dances or parties, not that I was ever invited, but even those things that you did not need to be invited to, I just did not go...I was very much a major homebody.   I had a couple of good friends and they would eventually convince me to go to the movies or over to thier house to hang out, but in general I felt like they were happy not to have the fat girl at thier party.  Most of my coping mechanisms involved using my intelligence to help those who would tease and humilate me with their homework in hopes that this would lead to them not trying to hurt me.   It worked for the time that they "needed" me but as soon as it was done, it was inevitable that they would turn on me when they no longer needed my help and the humiliation would begin again.  I craved back then to be invited, but I knew it would not happen. Please do not get me wrong, I did have some good friends and they know who they are!!

Once I reached adult hood and my weight was not the issue that it once was in relation to my relationships, I still avoided those social situations like work parties, because I still felt uncomfortable in my own skin.   It is amazing that even as an adult, that when I hear people whispering and laughing that my mind still goes to "they are talking about how fat I am and how I look".   I was blessed enough to find a guy who loved me for me and did not judge me based on my weight....I would not be where I am today without his love and support and I do have great friends that are my support system now as I take this journey.  I still suffer that anxiety though, everytime he says, we sould go dancing at a club (yes I love to dance in my living room) my heart starts racing and the anxiety begins that somehow I am going to walk into the club and start dancing and the other patrons will begin to say things like "Did you feel that earthquake?  That was not an earthquake just the fat girl dancing".  So I put off going...I felt the same way the first time I went to Yoga..the anxiety I felt on the drive to the studio the first time was almost overwhelming. Luckily I chose a small studio and the first couple of classes had very small groups.  So I was able to overcome the anxiety, but there are still times that when I look in the mirrors at yoga I see so many of my body's flaws and look at the other people in class and think, "god, they have to be wondering why the fat person is here..."

So that brings me to yesterday and moment that I broke into tears in A's office.  I went in to talk about some big projects at work and after the discussion was over we were just talking and she asked me if I was going to therapy.....now let me explain A lost a lot of weight due to illness.  She went on to tell a story about her shopping experience this weekend and seeing a top that she liked that was only available in a  medium and her thought process when the sales clerk came up and said "we have more sizes in the back and how she jumped to the conclusion that they were implying that she was too big to fit in a medium and that she was getting fat again, when in fact they thought that she needed a small or x-small.  She asked if I ever had these types of feeling and so began the tear works.  Yes I feel this way all the time...I walk into one of the "regular" stores and I am so afraid that they are going to take one look at me and say that I do not belong there.  I do not see myself as thin at all...I see the flaws like the excess hanging skin on my arms and stomach.  We began to talk about Body Dysmorphic Disorder and whether we could have it and benefit from some therapy.  So that led to me writing this blog trying to sort out all my feelings and issues..

I also realized that I never blogged about my weigh in....I lost 1 1/2 pounds so I am at 163 pounds so far. 

Food intake has been typical and I loved my yoga class on sunday...Speaking of exercise, I am going to a Richard Simmons class tonight if I can find the strength inside to put on workout clothes and go with my co-workers...

Well time to get ready for work!!!

Talk to you later.

Yoga Nidra..Love it!!!

As most of you know during this weight loss marathon, I found myself in yoga and I really mean that I found myself.  Yoga has become part of my life, not something that I just do for exercise but something that I can not see my life without.  I love the accomplishment I feel when I can finally get into that pose that I could imagine doing a couple of months ago. I relish the inner peace that I find in those last few minutes of a session when is Shavasana and my mind is quiet.  So I was excited when my studio offered a one time class called Deep Relaxation through Yoga Nidra.  I am such a Type A personality that there are very few times that I feel like I can truly relax.  I usually have my mind racing a mile a minute.

I went to the class last night not knowing what to expect and had an experience that is hard to put into words but I am going to try and I hope that I can do it justice.   First let me say that the class was taught by one of my favorite instructors Brooke.   I have missed going to a Brooke class but her classes ore on the same nights as C's soccer practice and the time just does not work.  We started class with her explaining that Yoga Nidra is about achieving a level of relaxation deeper that REM sleep, but while awake and that it is used in conjunction with creating intentions and goals in your life and using this state to achieve those goals.  The class then moved into some gentle, restorative yoga which was all about lightly stretching and preparing your body for this guided deep relaxation.  Once we got the the Yoga Nidra part, you are laying on your back with your neck supported and then we were guided in to focusing on different parts of our bodies and allowing them to relax.  As I was focusing on each area, I began to feel a tingling sensation, almost like a small electrical current in that part of my body and when I moved to the next area that tingling feeling remained behind but also traveled to the next area.  In the end my entire body felt totally relaxed but was tingling and alive and at that moment I felt like anything was possble.   When she led us out and we began to "awaken" again, the tingling feeling lessened but it did not go away.  Even when the lights turned on and put away my blocks, blanket, and bolster, my body still had that tingling feeling.  It continued throughout the rest of the evening and when I finally went to sleep I was able to just lay down a sleep.  That is not something that ever happens for me, I am usually the person that for an hour fights sleep as my mind races thinking about the long list in my head.   I would seriously take this course every month if I could, sadly right now it is just a one time class. There is another class in a couple of weeks that is about Achieving Goals that incorporates Yoga Nidra, but as much as I want to take the course it is at the same time as C's Soccer game. 

My food intake this week has been good.  Today C had a half day at school, so we made cookies when she came home.  It was a fun experience for both of us and I was amazed that I was not even tempted to have one. 

Tomorrow I weigh in and I am feel like I am still fighting that plateau but I know that even if  the scale does not move this week, that I am still doing the right things and eventually I will come out of the plateau and I will be stronger on the other side. 

Take care and talk to you tomorrow....

I hate when work interfers with my yoga..

For the last two days, I have planned exercise and then had work come along and interfer so I could not go....This frustrates me to no end and the worse part is that they did not really need me for either phone conference but I had to attend.  ARGH!!!!

Tomorrow I am going to a special yoga class called Yoga Nidra all about achieving that state of total relaxation while awake and turning off your brain.  I desperately need to learn this skill since I am one of those Type A people that have problems falling asleep because of my mind is racing.

Food has been boring, but I wanted to share something...I love the Vita-Top Muffin, the Cranberry Oat bran is a particular favorite, so when I saw the Egg sandwiches (like egg Mcmuffin) I had to try them.  Now I wish had resisted that temptation because after one bite I knew this was an Epic fail....  I blame the fake cheese.  It just had the wrong taste and did not sit well.  Needless to say I was not wasting my preious calories on that, so I disposed of it and popped the Cranberry Oat Bran Muffin in the toaster.  Yum!!!

Well today was a long day and I am tired...

Talk to you later...

No runners' high for me...

I lived up to my goal for this week and went walking during C's soccer practice.  She practices at a park that has a 2 mile long track going around it.  I was tempted at first not to go because I had a headache and my thighs were sore from yoga the day before, but after 3 minutes of trying to justify to myself why I should not feel guilty about not doing what I said I would do here.  I realized that I was just making excuses like I have for years why I can't exercise, you know the "no time, just ate, too tired, so many other things to do, too late in the day etc etc....", so I stuck those earphones in my ears, turned on the music and just started power walking.  I did not know at the time that the track was 2 miles long.  I just kept going and going and going, hoping that I would hit that point were I would feel that high, but alas no such luck.  When I finished the track, I was not out of breath, though I was quite sweaty. So I guess this is my baseline power walking/running.  Now I need to work on setting goals for improving it and mixing jogging/running into the power walking.  My legs were definitely sore this morning but nothing that a little motrin could not help. 

The good news, I probably could have handled another walk around the track and since a 5K is 3.1 miles I really think I could walk one right now no problem.  But the goal was not to walk a 5K it was to RUN a 5K.  So I need to get there.  I do not think I will ever love running.  Right now I am thinking of it as being a necessary evil...does that make sense?   Not something I like to do but something I have to do for my body!! 

Eating was pretty boring yesterday, Breakfast was a Vitatop muffin and grapes, Lunch was a Kashi bar and a tomato/avocado salad (no dressing), dinner was teriakyi chicken.  I had made Chili for my family and actually made it as healthy as possible, but I did not want the red meat. 

Well time for me to work...Take Care and talk at you later.

Making plans to fight the plateau and looking to the week ahead

I will not give up or let a plateau defeat me...this is a bump in the road and I am making plans on how to defeat this plateau.  First is to increase my activity...really this is my only choice because I really can not decrease my calories or else I may send my body into a starvation mode which would cause my body to stop burning fat and instead hold on to it....I am going to increase mywater intake as well in hope to flush my system. Last but not least, I am not going to analyze and worry about everything because that stress would just increase my body's tendancy to hold on to the weight, since stress increases weight gain. 

In addition I am going to try the Dr. Oz. recommended supplement of Green Coffee Extract.  I will let you know if it works.

Yoga was hard tonight, the usual instructor is off getting married, so we had a substitute and she did not play any music, did a lot of strap work and loved to try and get us into weird positions all the while using the yogi terms instead of the translation...all in all it was a very hard class and not really relaxing, 

I had a vita top muffin, and avocado for breakfast.  Lunch was tomato and Kashi bar..I then went to C and T's house and watched football.  I love hanging out with C she is so much fun.  She says to me "you know you have lost me" I looked at her like "what" and then realized that she meant weight wise....That is amazing that I have lost entire adult!!!  I ran to yoga from there house and had chicken and veggies when I got home.  Now I am cleaning and trying to get the family ready for the week ahead. 

Take Care and have a great week!!!

Afraid fo the Plateau...

Well I did not lose any weight this week and this followed a week when I only lost  1/2 pound.  I am afraid that this is my plateau that I am going have to get past...but I have a plan.  First is to increase the exercise.  I am going to walk the track when C is at soccer practice.  C's practice lasts an hour and half so I figure if I walk the track for an hour alternating between jogging and power walking I should burn a good amoutn of calories.  I am going to work in an extra Yoga class on Friday mornings as well, that way I am getting exerise everyday.  We will see if this makes a difference,

My life always has to have a little excitement right?  Yesterday I got the pleasure of standing next to a celebrity (LOL) while going through security at the airport...I spent my time trying to make sure I was not in any of the paparazzi shots.  Today I got to step back into my ER nurse mode and respond to someone having chest pain, not exactly how I wanted to start my weekend. 

I will let you know how my plans to defeat the plateau go....It just seems like my body knew it turned 40 and decided to turn off the weight loss machine.  ARGH!!!


Okay time to chill with my husband,,,

Talk to you later.

Catch up time.weight loss, shopping, my last flight, and being booblicious

Sorry it has been a couple of days since I blogged...I was busy working, playing, and shopping.  Lets start with weight loss...I only loss 1/2 pound this week (Total 161 pounds lost)  but really I lost weight so I am happy. I love the fact the scale keeps going down.  I have been eating well, lots of vegetables, fruit, whole grains, and lean proteins but nothing really remarkable. Yoga classes were fabulous, I would love to go to more classes, but between working and C's numerous after school activities it is a struggle some times.

I went shopping this Saturday after spending a day on the soccer field for C's first game (they lost 7-3 and she was upset but that would need to be a different blog).  So I have to tell you I had FUN shopping.  I was able to go to stores like Guess and fit in to and buy tops at least.  I am about 20 pounds away from fitting into pants and skirts at those stores but still it was fun.  The customer service is a amazing at these stores and the workers made me feel like I belonged there.   In the past when I went into stores like this, no one would have talked me or they would have asked are you looking for a gift for someone.  The nice way to say, "you are not going to fit into anything in our store, but..."  I bought 5 different tops and each one of them I loved how it made my body look.  Yeah for finding my love of shopping again and my love for trying things on.....

My flight.....I have this really bad habit of staying up the night before I fly getting packed and organized for the day ahead and then as soon as the plane takes off and hits 10,000 feet, the earphones go in, the music from my phone goes on and I sleep through the whole flight.  I usually wake up about 20 minutes before we are going to land and eat a Kashi bar and then I hit the ground running for work.  Yesterday started the same way, but sadly everything went awry after that due to my seatmate.  He was a ery large guy and went partially on to my seat.  I probably the most sympathetic to some one in this situation so I jus scooted over a little to give him more room and got ready to hit 10 thousand feet.  I started to fall asleep, but sadly so did the guy next to me, but he had the issue that he was a major snorer and I do not mean a normal snorer I mean an open mouth, sleep apnea, loud obnoxious snorer!!  Loud enough that it penetrated my music and woke me up.  I spent the whole 4 hours listening to this man snore and trying to sleep.  ARGH. The last 20 minutes of the flight I really had to go to the bathroom but I could not get this guy to wake up enough to let me out and I could get around him due to his size.  I ran off the plane to the nearest bathroom......It is also why this blog is so late because I was exhausted when I got back to the hotel and I fell asleep pretty early but I also woke up really early!!

Being boobilicious.....I was wearing on of my new camis under a sweater for work.  Between the new bras that fit and the new cami, I guess my cleavage was more pronounced because one of my co-workers told me that I was looking boobilicious.   When she said it I felt slightly self concious, but then I looked around and my dress matched the majority of the women I worked with and my boobilicious status was only noticeable because I was wearing clothes that fit me and with losing so much weight I actually have an hour glass shape now because my waist is more defined and that too emphasizes my chest....I then felt beautiful and boobilicious..

Well it is time to sign off and rest some more before I get up for work...talk to you later.  We are going out to lunch today at work to a restaurant that has absolutely NO nutritional information aailable for its menu and that really annoys me, because calorie content of restaurant food is so hard to determine because you can not be sure how it is cooked and the portion sizes are usually quite large and really represent 2 or 3 normal portion sizes....I will let you know how it goes and what I have.....Take care..

I love my new hot pants....want to see....

 

NO!!!!  Not that kind of Hot Pants!!!  Are you crazy??  I won't even wear regular shorts yet!!

These kind of Hot Pants made by a company called Zaggora, and they claim that if these pants are worn during regular exercise that you can lose 4 times more weight than if you wear standard workout pants and in addition they are also supposed to help lose inches.  I saw the ad on Group-on for these pants and they intrigued me so I used the Group-on deal and purchased a pair, but I have to admit I am totally skeptical that these pants will make any kind of difference. They are made by a company in England so it took awhile to get them.  I wore them today while working at home and  running C here and there, my legs felt like they were warmer.  I will have to try them at yoga tomorrow.   I am taking their 2 week challenge of wearing them every day for at least 30 minutes a day, to see if I find the increase in weight loss and inches.  My first impression they are thicker than most workout clothes, which I am concerned about impacting my ability to move in yoga.  The other really noticable thing, is that they are incredibly loud when I walk, kind of like corduroy pants and my thighs rub together anyway so it is noticable to me.

I had a Kashi Bar and grapes from breakfast.  Lunch was a vitatop muffin, an avocado, and a tomato, and dinner was chicken and veggies. 

I had a conversation with J today regarding her motivation to be healthy and I hope my prespective helped her.  It is always amazing to me that I, the girl/woman that has been overweight her whole life and was always looking for the quick fix, could be the motivation for people to change their lives.  I was always looking for someone to motivate me to change and to be someones motivation is amazing.  

I posted this song on face book this morning and described how it represents to me the imaginary conversation between the strong, healthy woman that was begging to get out and the sad overweight woman that I had become.... so enjoy

Let me be myself by 3 Doors Down

Talk to you later.....and take care!!

Happy Early Birthday to me....

I weighed in today and I got myself the gift of losing 160.5 pounds before I turned 40....YEAH!!!  Happy Birthday to me...

I love the fact that I am a totally different person than I was for my birthday last year..Last year this time, I was out of control eating foods that were bad for me and eating fast food everyday and exercise was a word I never used or did.  This year I have not had fast food in almost a year vegetables and fruits are friends.  I eat high fiber foods and lean proteins.  I avoid processed foods and refined sugars.  Yoga has become my exercise of choice and I have increased my strength and flexibility.  I have energy to spare most days.  I am searching for the perfect 5K.  I no longer get winded running up the stairs.  I am more comfortable in my own skin. 

What does all this mean for me?  That as much as I am not looking forward to turning the big 4-0 tomorrow, I am determined that my 40's are going to be the most healthy of my life.  So come on 40's, you and me are going to be fast friends and face this life with a healthy outlook. 

So Happy Birthday to ME.....Thanks Crystal this is just what I wanted, a new look, a new body, and new LIFE!! 

Take Care Everyone....Talk to you later...

Why are women judged so harshly.....

You can probably tell tonight is going to be one of those blogs where I rant a little and yes it is issue that is close to my heart...how women are judged!!! 

I will start with my food today..I had a strawberry peach non fat no sugar Oat bran muffin.  Lunch was Salmon and grilled veggies.  Dinner was a tomato and a weigh watcher meal...I know boring right...I just did not feel like eating out tonight. I really want to curl up and throw the covers over my head and think about how it sucks to be judged sometimes....

We are all judged every now and then...whether it is work, home, or something as simple as what we eat, wear, or how we do our hair.  Some of these are favorable judgements and some are not so favorable. It seems to me sometimes that women are judged more harshly than our male counterparts and it has been this way throughout time. 

I struggled with these judgement issues all my life when dealing with my weight issues...there is a reason why the diet industry focuses on women....Overweight women are made to feel unattractive by our society.  Things are said like "She would be so cute if she only lost some weight"   Overweight girls struggle with finding a guy who can appreciate her curves.  Female celebrities are plastered on the front page of tabloids when they gain weight.  Where as over weight guys do not seem to struggle with these same issues, the exception being the gay community but that is a different topic all together..  I remember feeling like such an outcast throughout highschool, because I did not have a boyfriend, but the over weight guys I went to school with did not seem to have any problems getting a girl.   I was lucky and found a guy that loved me for who I was not how much I weighed, so they are out there but few and far between.  Is it any wonder that tween girls are fasted growing group that are becoming anorexic?  The sad part is for women this judgement leads to self loathing which leads to eating which leads to gaining more weight.  It is a vicious cycle. 

Sadly, weight is not the only area in our lives where we are judged....and sadly it is not just the opposite sex that participates in the judging!!  Over the last 2 years I have not only faced judgements about my weight, but also about my career and family.... The fact that I travel and work away from home as part of my career has led many to judge me to be a "bad" mother and wife.  Things are said to me like "At least I stay home and take care of my children instead of galivanting off to California!!" or "It easy to be a perceived as a good mom when you are rarely home."  Okay if a guy traveled for his job, whether he is a truck driver that does long distance driving, a CEO that has to travel for his business, or a consultant like me, he is viewed to be doing what is necessary to provide for his family and therefore a good provider, husband, and father, yet as a working woman and business owner I am viewed as a lousy absentee mother and wife that cares more about my career than my family.  This leads to me feeling guilty about being gone and in the past I would feed this guilt with food, but not anymore!!  I have broken this cycle!!  So instead of feeling guilty, I am going to confront those judgements right here tonight!!!  I am a DAMN good mother and wife!!  Everything I do is for my family and making sure we have the best life possible!!  I work my ass off and yes part of my job involves having to get on a plane and travel across the country, but guess what???   I make sure my family is taken care of even when I am thousand of miles away!!  My family has always come first to me!   In fact, I think that I am being a great example for my young daughter, I am showing her that a woman can be successful business woman and a mother.  If you think that my job makes me a bad mother or wife or any other label that you want to put on me than please keep it to yourself, because the next person that says this about me will see a side of me that they do not want me to see.

Now that I have ranted, I have to say that I am also very blessed that I have people in my life that support me and are proud of my every accomplishment, whether it is my weight loss or my career...and these friends and family members are the people that know me better than everyone.  I am grateful for every single one of them and listing them would take forever and they remind me that those people that judge others for what ever reason, whether it is weight, career, or hairstyle are usually doing it because of jealousy or desire to make themselves feel better about their life and choices.  Fighting that is impossible, so the better tact is to ignore the haters and let them be miserable. The best revenge is to enjoy your life right? 

Rant over...take care of yourself and be happy in your own skin...I am learning how to do that every day!!!

Time to catch up...Hurricane, family visit, and back to work and looking ahead to the big 4-0

So I left off with a storm blowing into town and preparing for no power and it is a good thing that I prepared because we were without power for 4 days that I was home.   I had lots of Kashi bars and at night we would plug in the generator and I would have a weight watcher frozen dinner cooked in the microwave.  When I was at the breaking point, it was time for me to fly to Portland for a planned visit to see my Grandmother who is 95.  I stayed with Uncle D and G and I could not have asked for better hosts that took care of C and I while visited. 

It was so nice to see everyone and to feel comfortable in my own skin, not have that feeling like everyone was biting their tongue not to say something about how out of control my weight was because they did not want to hurt my feelings.  I loved Portland and seeing the town.  Beyond the party filled with relatives that I have not seen in forever, I got to see a little of Portland as we went to the Saturday Market and walked around.  It was so good to be able to walk around and not feel tired and sluggish.  I am so blessed that I made this decision to get healthy.

Luckily while I was gone we got power back.  I had felt so guilty leaving F behind in a house with no power.  I got in around 9:00 pm monday and it was a quick turn around of unpacking, laundry, and repacking to fly out to Los Angeles for work on Tuesday.  C is still out of school, but luckily we have established a great support system so F is able to go to work without dealing with having an 8 year old with him.

I am turning 40 on Sunday, my goal is to be at 160 pounds lost for my birthday present to myself. What better present is there than to be healthy and it is a gift that I can only give myself.  Noone could have made this journey for me.  I had to do it and I had to make the decision almost a year ago that my health was more important than anything else I could ever want or need.  I will go and weigh in on Saturday, but whether I meet my goal or not I have made huge strides to ensuring that I have many more birthdays to celebrate with F and C by my side. I have found an inner strength that I did not know I had and has become such an intergral part of me.  While it would be tempting to go splurge on food on my birthday, instead I am planning on going to yoga.  Nothing better than a little inner peace as I go through the transitition to being 40 right? 

Well time to get some work done. 

Talk to you later....take care...

All is well...

It is that time again...time to tell you that I am surviving the bad weather and I still have power...Everyone has eaten and is now watching TV....

My meals consisted of a Vita top muffin and cherries for breakfast,  Lunch was a avocado, tomato, and a vita top muffin...taking advantage of the toaster while I have power...once it goes I am a straight Kashi girl.  Dinner was some low fat teriakyi chicken....and a tomato.  Using up the veggies. 

Meanwhile...I was making food for the family throughtout the day....sandwiches for lunch....Eggs and toast for C for Dinner and F finally had the smoked Pork Hock that we brought back from Germany...Dishes have been cleared and put in the dishwasher to run later if we still have power. 

We are all fine and happy..I am more worried about my trip getting cancelled...I really want and need to spend time with my family!!  Yoga was cancelled today which is throwing my body for a loop even though I tried to do some at home..but it is hard to find your center with an 8 year old bugging you...

Tak to you later...and take care.