I went to the Richard Simmons Aerobics class today with some girls from work and I am going share the total expereince with you. P and I arrived at the studio and the first thing you notice is the signs everywhere that cell phones and recording devices are not allowed in the studio. I filled out the new student paperwork and paid my $12 dollars to take the class. I, then, took my cell phone out to the car and went back to class. We were warming up and in walks Richard Simmons and goes around and kisses and greets each person in the room. When he got to me my co-workers tell him about me losing so much weight and he hugs me. Class begins and if you thought he was that sweet guys you see in the videos, you would be slightly shocked...because for as sweet as he is, he swears like a sailor and flirts outrageously with the guys in the class. If you are not trying he will call you out and make sure that you are trying. He told us about his new DVD that he is working on and how he got some songs and also wrote songs....he played one of the songs that he wrote. I was sweating about 5 minutes into the class. I was wearing my "hot pants" and literally at the end of the class my the top of my tennis shoes were saoking wet from sweat from my legs.
About half way through the class we formed a circle and in the wide open middle he went around and pulled people out of the crowd of 40 and they had to come to middle and perform the moves with Richard in the middle of the class. Yes!! Yours truly, the girl that just wrote how she does not feel comfortable being the center of attention, got called to the middle and there is no refusing!! I kept up with him and got a round of applause when my segment was over. He calls almost every guy in the class into the middle where he makes them take off their shirts. We then move into the cool down section of the workout. After the aeorbic part is over we had a 10 minute upper body toning session with weights. After the toming we had 10 minutes of mat work doing crunches, oblique crunches, and planks to work the core muscles.
After class is over we are invited to go get our cameras and come back and take pictures with him. Yes I got a couple of pictures and then he asked me how I lost the weight and as usual the first question was if I had the surgery. I told him that no I did it by changing my eating habits and exercising and his face changed as he told me that he expects to see my ass in his class every week. I explained I was only in town every other week and he said that if my ass was in town then I better be in his class!!! I was absolutely drenched in sweat from head to toe. My "Hot Pants" were literally soaked as were my underwear. I know TMI right?
Food today was a No Fat No Sugar added Peach Blue Corn Muffin, lunch was Grilled Veggies, Dinner was a weight watcher meal, an avocado, and a tomato. I made sure to hydrate myself and fell asleep!!
I did it...I went and overcame my anxiety!! Aerobics has never been my favorite, but I guess I may be going to the class every other week to sweat my ass off....
BTW if you have ever wanted to be in a Sweating to the Oldies video, they are having auditions this weekend at his studio in LA....
Take care and talk to you later.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
This is a hard blog to write....
I want to start this blog with a disclaimer:
I do not advocate any form of self-diagnosis. Diagnosis of medical or psychological disorders should be done by a professional.
I am not the type of person that bursts into tears at the drop of a hat. In fact, I am the type of person that holds any of the negative emotions inside and hides that part of myself from others. This may be because when I was growing up "the fat girl" I found that if I cried at school when others would tease, harass, and humilate me, that my crying would only make it worse and lead to more teasing, harassment, and humiliation from my torturers. I learned to laugh and hide those negative feelings in public and then wait until I got home in the privacy of my room and then I would cry into my pillow so no one would see my pain. I would try to avoid the pain and humiliation by pretending to be sick. I would then build myself up so that I could face the humiliation the next day. I never went to school dances or parties, not that I was ever invited, but even those things that you did not need to be invited to, I just did not go...I was very much a major homebody. I had a couple of good friends and they would eventually convince me to go to the movies or over to thier house to hang out, but in general I felt like they were happy not to have the fat girl at thier party. Most of my coping mechanisms involved using my intelligence to help those who would tease and humilate me with their homework in hopes that this would lead to them not trying to hurt me. It worked for the time that they "needed" me but as soon as it was done, it was inevitable that they would turn on me when they no longer needed my help and the humiliation would begin again. I craved back then to be invited, but I knew it would not happen. Please do not get me wrong, I did have some good friends and they know who they are!!
Once I reached adult hood and my weight was not the issue that it once was in relation to my relationships, I still avoided those social situations like work parties, because I still felt uncomfortable in my own skin. It is amazing that even as an adult, that when I hear people whispering and laughing that my mind still goes to "they are talking about how fat I am and how I look". I was blessed enough to find a guy who loved me for me and did not judge me based on my weight....I would not be where I am today without his love and support and I do have great friends that are my support system now as I take this journey. I still suffer that anxiety though, everytime he says, we sould go dancing at a club (yes I love to dance in my living room) my heart starts racing and the anxiety begins that somehow I am going to walk into the club and start dancing and the other patrons will begin to say things like "Did you feel that earthquake? That was not an earthquake just the fat girl dancing". So I put off going...I felt the same way the first time I went to Yoga..the anxiety I felt on the drive to the studio the first time was almost overwhelming. Luckily I chose a small studio and the first couple of classes had very small groups. So I was able to overcome the anxiety, but there are still times that when I look in the mirrors at yoga I see so many of my body's flaws and look at the other people in class and think, "god, they have to be wondering why the fat person is here..."
So that brings me to yesterday and moment that I broke into tears in A's office. I went in to talk about some big projects at work and after the discussion was over we were just talking and she asked me if I was going to therapy.....now let me explain A lost a lot of weight due to illness. She went on to tell a story about her shopping experience this weekend and seeing a top that she liked that was only available in a medium and her thought process when the sales clerk came up and said "we have more sizes in the back and how she jumped to the conclusion that they were implying that she was too big to fit in a medium and that she was getting fat again, when in fact they thought that she needed a small or x-small. She asked if I ever had these types of feeling and so began the tear works. Yes I feel this way all the time...I walk into one of the "regular" stores and I am so afraid that they are going to take one look at me and say that I do not belong there. I do not see myself as thin at all...I see the flaws like the excess hanging skin on my arms and stomach. We began to talk about Body Dysmorphic Disorder and whether we could have it and benefit from some therapy. So that led to me writing this blog trying to sort out all my feelings and issues..
I also realized that I never blogged about my weigh in....I lost 1 1/2 pounds so I am at 163 pounds so far.
Food intake has been typical and I loved my yoga class on sunday...Speaking of exercise, I am going to a Richard Simmons class tonight if I can find the strength inside to put on workout clothes and go with my co-workers...
Well time to get ready for work!!!
Talk to you later.
I do not advocate any form of self-diagnosis. Diagnosis of medical or psychological disorders should be done by a professional.
I am not the type of person that bursts into tears at the drop of a hat. In fact, I am the type of person that holds any of the negative emotions inside and hides that part of myself from others. This may be because when I was growing up "the fat girl" I found that if I cried at school when others would tease, harass, and humilate me, that my crying would only make it worse and lead to more teasing, harassment, and humiliation from my torturers. I learned to laugh and hide those negative feelings in public and then wait until I got home in the privacy of my room and then I would cry into my pillow so no one would see my pain. I would try to avoid the pain and humiliation by pretending to be sick. I would then build myself up so that I could face the humiliation the next day. I never went to school dances or parties, not that I was ever invited, but even those things that you did not need to be invited to, I just did not go...I was very much a major homebody. I had a couple of good friends and they would eventually convince me to go to the movies or over to thier house to hang out, but in general I felt like they were happy not to have the fat girl at thier party. Most of my coping mechanisms involved using my intelligence to help those who would tease and humilate me with their homework in hopes that this would lead to them not trying to hurt me. It worked for the time that they "needed" me but as soon as it was done, it was inevitable that they would turn on me when they no longer needed my help and the humiliation would begin again. I craved back then to be invited, but I knew it would not happen. Please do not get me wrong, I did have some good friends and they know who they are!!
Once I reached adult hood and my weight was not the issue that it once was in relation to my relationships, I still avoided those social situations like work parties, because I still felt uncomfortable in my own skin. It is amazing that even as an adult, that when I hear people whispering and laughing that my mind still goes to "they are talking about how fat I am and how I look". I was blessed enough to find a guy who loved me for me and did not judge me based on my weight....I would not be where I am today without his love and support and I do have great friends that are my support system now as I take this journey. I still suffer that anxiety though, everytime he says, we sould go dancing at a club (yes I love to dance in my living room) my heart starts racing and the anxiety begins that somehow I am going to walk into the club and start dancing and the other patrons will begin to say things like "Did you feel that earthquake? That was not an earthquake just the fat girl dancing". So I put off going...I felt the same way the first time I went to Yoga..the anxiety I felt on the drive to the studio the first time was almost overwhelming. Luckily I chose a small studio and the first couple of classes had very small groups. So I was able to overcome the anxiety, but there are still times that when I look in the mirrors at yoga I see so many of my body's flaws and look at the other people in class and think, "god, they have to be wondering why the fat person is here..."
So that brings me to yesterday and moment that I broke into tears in A's office. I went in to talk about some big projects at work and after the discussion was over we were just talking and she asked me if I was going to therapy.....now let me explain A lost a lot of weight due to illness. She went on to tell a story about her shopping experience this weekend and seeing a top that she liked that was only available in a medium and her thought process when the sales clerk came up and said "we have more sizes in the back and how she jumped to the conclusion that they were implying that she was too big to fit in a medium and that she was getting fat again, when in fact they thought that she needed a small or x-small. She asked if I ever had these types of feeling and so began the tear works. Yes I feel this way all the time...I walk into one of the "regular" stores and I am so afraid that they are going to take one look at me and say that I do not belong there. I do not see myself as thin at all...I see the flaws like the excess hanging skin on my arms and stomach. We began to talk about Body Dysmorphic Disorder and whether we could have it and benefit from some therapy. So that led to me writing this blog trying to sort out all my feelings and issues..
I also realized that I never blogged about my weigh in....I lost 1 1/2 pounds so I am at 163 pounds so far.
Food intake has been typical and I loved my yoga class on sunday...Speaking of exercise, I am going to a Richard Simmons class tonight if I can find the strength inside to put on workout clothes and go with my co-workers...
Well time to get ready for work!!!
Talk to you later.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Yoga Nidra..Love it!!!
As most of you know during this weight loss marathon, I found myself in yoga and I really mean that I found myself. Yoga has become part of my life, not something that I just do for exercise but something that I can not see my life without. I love the accomplishment I feel when I can finally get into that pose that I could imagine doing a couple of months ago. I relish the inner peace that I find in those last few minutes of a session when is Shavasana and my mind is quiet. So I was excited when my studio offered a one time class called Deep Relaxation through Yoga Nidra. I am such a Type A personality that there are very few times that I feel like I can truly relax. I usually have my mind racing a mile a minute.
I went to the class last night not knowing what to expect and had an experience that is hard to put into words but I am going to try and I hope that I can do it justice. First let me say that the class was taught by one of my favorite instructors Brooke. I have missed going to a Brooke class but her classes ore on the same nights as C's soccer practice and the time just does not work. We started class with her explaining that Yoga Nidra is about achieving a level of relaxation deeper that REM sleep, but while awake and that it is used in conjunction with creating intentions and goals in your life and using this state to achieve those goals. The class then moved into some gentle, restorative yoga which was all about lightly stretching and preparing your body for this guided deep relaxation. Once we got the the Yoga Nidra part, you are laying on your back with your neck supported and then we were guided in to focusing on different parts of our bodies and allowing them to relax. As I was focusing on each area, I began to feel a tingling sensation, almost like a small electrical current in that part of my body and when I moved to the next area that tingling feeling remained behind but also traveled to the next area. In the end my entire body felt totally relaxed but was tingling and alive and at that moment I felt like anything was possble. When she led us out and we began to "awaken" again, the tingling feeling lessened but it did not go away. Even when the lights turned on and put away my blocks, blanket, and bolster, my body still had that tingling feeling. It continued throughout the rest of the evening and when I finally went to sleep I was able to just lay down a sleep. That is not something that ever happens for me, I am usually the person that for an hour fights sleep as my mind races thinking about the long list in my head. I would seriously take this course every month if I could, sadly right now it is just a one time class. There is another class in a couple of weeks that is about Achieving Goals that incorporates Yoga Nidra, but as much as I want to take the course it is at the same time as C's Soccer game.
My food intake this week has been good. Today C had a half day at school, so we made cookies when she came home. It was a fun experience for both of us and I was amazed that I was not even tempted to have one.
Tomorrow I weigh in and I am feel like I am still fighting that plateau but I know that even if the scale does not move this week, that I am still doing the right things and eventually I will come out of the plateau and I will be stronger on the other side.
Take care and talk to you tomorrow....
I went to the class last night not knowing what to expect and had an experience that is hard to put into words but I am going to try and I hope that I can do it justice. First let me say that the class was taught by one of my favorite instructors Brooke. I have missed going to a Brooke class but her classes ore on the same nights as C's soccer practice and the time just does not work. We started class with her explaining that Yoga Nidra is about achieving a level of relaxation deeper that REM sleep, but while awake and that it is used in conjunction with creating intentions and goals in your life and using this state to achieve those goals. The class then moved into some gentle, restorative yoga which was all about lightly stretching and preparing your body for this guided deep relaxation. Once we got the the Yoga Nidra part, you are laying on your back with your neck supported and then we were guided in to focusing on different parts of our bodies and allowing them to relax. As I was focusing on each area, I began to feel a tingling sensation, almost like a small electrical current in that part of my body and when I moved to the next area that tingling feeling remained behind but also traveled to the next area. In the end my entire body felt totally relaxed but was tingling and alive and at that moment I felt like anything was possble. When she led us out and we began to "awaken" again, the tingling feeling lessened but it did not go away. Even when the lights turned on and put away my blocks, blanket, and bolster, my body still had that tingling feeling. It continued throughout the rest of the evening and when I finally went to sleep I was able to just lay down a sleep. That is not something that ever happens for me, I am usually the person that for an hour fights sleep as my mind races thinking about the long list in my head. I would seriously take this course every month if I could, sadly right now it is just a one time class. There is another class in a couple of weeks that is about Achieving Goals that incorporates Yoga Nidra, but as much as I want to take the course it is at the same time as C's Soccer game.
My food intake this week has been good. Today C had a half day at school, so we made cookies when she came home. It was a fun experience for both of us and I was amazed that I was not even tempted to have one.
Tomorrow I weigh in and I am feel like I am still fighting that plateau but I know that even if the scale does not move this week, that I am still doing the right things and eventually I will come out of the plateau and I will be stronger on the other side.
Take care and talk to you tomorrow....
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
I hate when work interfers with my yoga..
For the last two days, I have planned exercise and then had work come along and interfer so I could not go....This frustrates me to no end and the worse part is that they did not really need me for either phone conference but I had to attend. ARGH!!!!
Tomorrow I am going to a special yoga class called Yoga Nidra all about achieving that state of total relaxation while awake and turning off your brain. I desperately need to learn this skill since I am one of those Type A people that have problems falling asleep because of my mind is racing.
Food has been boring, but I wanted to share something...I love the Vita-Top Muffin, the Cranberry Oat bran is a particular favorite, so when I saw the Egg sandwiches (like egg Mcmuffin) I had to try them. Now I wish had resisted that temptation because after one bite I knew this was an Epic fail.... I blame the fake cheese. It just had the wrong taste and did not sit well. Needless to say I was not wasting my preious calories on that, so I disposed of it and popped the Cranberry Oat Bran Muffin in the toaster. Yum!!!
Well today was a long day and I am tired...
Talk to you later...
Tomorrow I am going to a special yoga class called Yoga Nidra all about achieving that state of total relaxation while awake and turning off your brain. I desperately need to learn this skill since I am one of those Type A people that have problems falling asleep because of my mind is racing.
Food has been boring, but I wanted to share something...I love the Vita-Top Muffin, the Cranberry Oat bran is a particular favorite, so when I saw the Egg sandwiches (like egg Mcmuffin) I had to try them. Now I wish had resisted that temptation because after one bite I knew this was an Epic fail.... I blame the fake cheese. It just had the wrong taste and did not sit well. Needless to say I was not wasting my preious calories on that, so I disposed of it and popped the Cranberry Oat Bran Muffin in the toaster. Yum!!!
Well today was a long day and I am tired...
Talk to you later...
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
No runners' high for me...
I lived up to my goal for this week and went walking during C's soccer practice. She practices at a park that has a 2 mile long track going around it. I was tempted at first not to go because I had a headache and my thighs were sore from yoga the day before, but after 3 minutes of trying to justify to myself why I should not feel guilty about not doing what I said I would do here. I realized that I was just making excuses like I have for years why I can't exercise, you know the "no time, just ate, too tired, so many other things to do, too late in the day etc etc....", so I stuck those earphones in my ears, turned on the music and just started power walking. I did not know at the time that the track was 2 miles long. I just kept going and going and going, hoping that I would hit that point were I would feel that high, but alas no such luck. When I finished the track, I was not out of breath, though I was quite sweaty. So I guess this is my baseline power walking/running. Now I need to work on setting goals for improving it and mixing jogging/running into the power walking. My legs were definitely sore this morning but nothing that a little motrin could not help.
The good news, I probably could have handled another walk around the track and since a 5K is 3.1 miles I really think I could walk one right now no problem. But the goal was not to walk a 5K it was to RUN a 5K. So I need to get there. I do not think I will ever love running. Right now I am thinking of it as being a necessary evil...does that make sense? Not something I like to do but something I have to do for my body!!
Eating was pretty boring yesterday, Breakfast was a Vitatop muffin and grapes, Lunch was a Kashi bar and a tomato/avocado salad (no dressing), dinner was teriakyi chicken. I had made Chili for my family and actually made it as healthy as possible, but I did not want the red meat.
Well time for me to work...Take Care and talk at you later.
The good news, I probably could have handled another walk around the track and since a 5K is 3.1 miles I really think I could walk one right now no problem. But the goal was not to walk a 5K it was to RUN a 5K. So I need to get there. I do not think I will ever love running. Right now I am thinking of it as being a necessary evil...does that make sense? Not something I like to do but something I have to do for my body!!
Eating was pretty boring yesterday, Breakfast was a Vitatop muffin and grapes, Lunch was a Kashi bar and a tomato/avocado salad (no dressing), dinner was teriakyi chicken. I had made Chili for my family and actually made it as healthy as possible, but I did not want the red meat.
Well time for me to work...Take Care and talk at you later.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Making plans to fight the plateau and looking to the week ahead
I will not give up or let a plateau defeat me...this is a bump in the road and I am making plans on how to defeat this plateau. First is to increase my activity...really this is my only choice because I really can not decrease my calories or else I may send my body into a starvation mode which would cause my body to stop burning fat and instead hold on to it....I am going to increase mywater intake as well in hope to flush my system. Last but not least, I am not going to analyze and worry about everything because that stress would just increase my body's tendancy to hold on to the weight, since stress increases weight gain.
In addition I am going to try the Dr. Oz. recommended supplement of Green Coffee Extract. I will let you know if it works.
Yoga was hard tonight, the usual instructor is off getting married, so we had a substitute and she did not play any music, did a lot of strap work and loved to try and get us into weird positions all the while using the yogi terms instead of the translation...all in all it was a very hard class and not really relaxing,
I had a vita top muffin, and avocado for breakfast. Lunch was tomato and Kashi bar..I then went to C and T's house and watched football. I love hanging out with C she is so much fun. She says to me "you know you have lost me" I looked at her like "what" and then realized that she meant weight wise....That is amazing that I have lost entire adult!!! I ran to yoga from there house and had chicken and veggies when I got home. Now I am cleaning and trying to get the family ready for the week ahead.
Take Care and have a great week!!!
In addition I am going to try the Dr. Oz. recommended supplement of Green Coffee Extract. I will let you know if it works.
Yoga was hard tonight, the usual instructor is off getting married, so we had a substitute and she did not play any music, did a lot of strap work and loved to try and get us into weird positions all the while using the yogi terms instead of the translation...all in all it was a very hard class and not really relaxing,
I had a vita top muffin, and avocado for breakfast. Lunch was tomato and Kashi bar..I then went to C and T's house and watched football. I love hanging out with C she is so much fun. She says to me "you know you have lost me" I looked at her like "what" and then realized that she meant weight wise....That is amazing that I have lost entire adult!!! I ran to yoga from there house and had chicken and veggies when I got home. Now I am cleaning and trying to get the family ready for the week ahead.
Take Care and have a great week!!!
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Afraid fo the Plateau...
Well I did not lose any weight this week and this followed a week when I only lost 1/2 pound. I am afraid that this is my plateau that I am going have to get past...but I have a plan. First is to increase the exercise. I am going to walk the track when C is at soccer practice. C's practice lasts an hour and half so I figure if I walk the track for an hour alternating between jogging and power walking I should burn a good amoutn of calories. I am going to work in an extra Yoga class on Friday mornings as well, that way I am getting exerise everyday. We will see if this makes a difference,
My life always has to have a little excitement right? Yesterday I got the pleasure of standing next to a celebrity (LOL) while going through security at the airport...I spent my time trying to make sure I was not in any of the paparazzi shots. Today I got to step back into my ER nurse mode and respond to someone having chest pain, not exactly how I wanted to start my weekend.
I will let you know how my plans to defeat the plateau go....It just seems like my body knew it turned 40 and decided to turn off the weight loss machine. ARGH!!!
Okay time to chill with my husband,,,
Talk to you later.
My life always has to have a little excitement right? Yesterday I got the pleasure of standing next to a celebrity (LOL) while going through security at the airport...I spent my time trying to make sure I was not in any of the paparazzi shots. Today I got to step back into my ER nurse mode and respond to someone having chest pain, not exactly how I wanted to start my weekend.
I will let you know how my plans to defeat the plateau go....It just seems like my body knew it turned 40 and decided to turn off the weight loss machine. ARGH!!!
Okay time to chill with my husband,,,
Talk to you later.
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